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School Problems


School expectations have proven to be challenging and overwhelming for students. It can be tough learning that your child is having difficulties in middle school, whether they're social, educational, or behavioral. It can also be very difficult to take the first steps in helping your child address the underlying issues that are causing those difficulties. But as a responsible, caring parent, it's your job to help your kids get past their troubles at school and make it a place for effective learning.

Did You Know?

  • The more Developmental Assets a child has, the less likely he or she is to engage in high-risk behaviors such as illicit drug use, violence, and premature sexual activity. This allows the child to focus more on--and do better in--school.
  • Students with higher levels of Developmental Assets have been shown to have higher GPAs, on average, than students with lower levels of assets. They are also more likely to maintain those higher GPAs.1
  • Learn more about Developmental Assets >

Frequent Questions and Concerns about School Problems

My child is failing one of her classes—does this mean she’s a bad student?

While you should be concerned that your child is doing poorly in class, you certainly shouldn’t give up hope. Just because your child is struggling in one class (or several classes) does not mean she’s a bad student. There is usually an underlying cause of your child’s difficulties that can be addressed to help her get back on track. Talk to her teachers and see what you can do to help. Maybe she just needs some one-on-one time with a tutor, or a little extra help with her homework.

I know my child is behaving badly in school, but I hesitate to talk to a counselor because I don’t want him to have a record with the school.

Just because you or your child talks to a school counselor about behavior issues doesn’t mean your child will be labeled a “bad kid.” It’s important to get your child the help he needs to succeed in school. If you feel very uncomfortable speaking with someone at your child’s school, you can see a counselor in another setting or talk to another trusted adult, such as a clergy person. No matter who you decide to ask for help, it’s important to do so quickly so you can begin addressing the problems your child is having.

My child gets into a little trouble every once in a while at school—is it really that big of a deal?

This depends mostly on why your child is getting in trouble, as well as how regularly. If your child doesn’t turn in his or her homework a few times each school year, you probably don’t have anything to worry about. If you hear about your son or daughter teasing another child once every week, you should talk to your child and his or her teacher—especially if your child is bullying other children.

Academic Challenges

Every parent wants her or his child to succeed in school, and it can be frustrating if your child is struggling academically. Instead of getting angry, however, parents should remain calm, help their child figure out what is causing the academic struggles, and work to resolve the issue.

  • If you haven’t already, begin building strong relationships with your child’s teachers. E-mail, call, or visit teachers with your questions or concerns. School counselors can often offer important insights, as well. Use teachers and counselors as resources to help your child with his academic struggles.
  • Create a “homework center” for your child somewhere in your home. Whether it’s in a home office or at the kitchen table, make sure you have enough pens, pencils, folders, and paper, and keep distractions to a minimum. Make yourself available to help your child with her homework (but don’t just give out answers).
  • Children who feel a connection with their school are more likely to do well—so do what you can to help your child bond to his school. Whether you encourage him to attend school events, such as sports games or dances, celebrate school successes, or discuss current school events, creating a strong bond to your child’s school is important.

Doing well in school is important for kids. It opens future opportunities, increases self-esteem, and helps children develop a love for learning. If your child is struggling in school, work with him and his teachers and counselors to create a learning environment that will help support his academic success.

Behavior Issues

There are many factors that may influence your child’s behavior at school, including his or her age, group of friends, and possible academic difficulties. Regardless of the cause of your child’s behavior problems, it’s important to address the issue quickly and positively to make sure it doesn’t continue.

  • Behavior problems come in many forms. Your child may be disruptive in class, be rude to teachers, bully other children, or take part in any combination of these or other behaviors. To begin addressing your child’s problem behavior, it’s important to talk to her teacher to find out exactly how she is behaving.
  • Don’t discount the possibility of an easy solution—you may find that if you simply ask your child why he is misbehaving, you’ll get an honest answer. You can then begin addressing the underlying issue that is causing the problems.
  • Talk to teachers, counselors, and other staff members of your child’s school who interact with your child. They may have insights that help you understand and address the behavior problems.
  • Make sure the expectations for your child’s behavior are the same at school and at home. Get a list of the school’s behavioral guidelines and enforce them in your home. Young children often have difficulty adjusting to being outside of the home for long periods of time, so helping them become accustomed to the new rules they have to abide by may be helpful.
  • If your older teenager disagrees with a rule in place at her school and is acting out because of it, encourage her to write a letter to the school board, school newspaper, or local newspaper and make a well-reasoned case against the rule.

Remember that just because your child may be having behavioral problems doesn’t mean that he or she is a “bad kid.” There can be many reasons for kids getting into some trouble at school, all of which can be remedied with good communication, a willingness to change, and some effort from your child, your child’s teachers, and you.

Getting to the Root of the Problem

Because there are so many different reasons your child may be having problems at school, it’s crucial to determine the cause of the problem before trying to address it. By getting to the source of the issue, you can be sure that your efforts are positively affecting your child and her or his school life. The first step in finding out the cause of the problem is to talk to your child.

  • It may be most effective to simply ask your child what is causing the problem. Maybe she is being bullied, and this is causing her to act out in the classroom. Or maybe she is rude to her math teacher because she’s struggling to understand the content of the class.
  • Whether or not asking your child about the issue was effective, it’s important to keep talking to him daily—not only about the problems he may be having in school, but about the rest of his school experience as well. This may help you discover things your child may not think are related to the problem.
  • Ask your child what you can do to help her do well in school. Many kids may just need some additional help on their homework. Others might have difficulty adjusting after summer vacation. No matter what your child needs, do your best to help her out.

In addition to talking with your child, you should also speak with his or her teachers and school counselors. Because they interact with your child on a daily basis, they may be able to share valuable information that will help you address your child’s school problems.

  • Find out exactly what problems your child is having. Is he using obscene language? Skipping class? Not turning in homework? Different types of issues require different types of interventions, so it’s very helpful to understand exactly what your child is doing.
  • Ask your child’s teachers for any advice they can provide. Most teachers have dealt with more behavioral and academic problems than you can imagine, so they may have some experience in dealing with this particular issue.
  • If you think the problem warrants it, talk to a school counselor about counseling or specialized classes that might help your child.

Your child may not be very forthcoming when you begin the conversation about school problems, but it’s important to be persistent. If your child doesn’t want to talk about it, let him or her know you’re always available to talk, and bring the subject up later in a comfortable situation. Don’t give up if your child doesn’t want to talk! It’s crucial that you find out what’s going on so you can help.

School Problems: Summary and Next Steps

It’s never easy to hear that your child is having difficulty in school. Whether your child is struggling behaviorally or academically, you want to do everything you can to help, but you may not always know what you can do to improve the situation. Fortunately, by raising your child well and intervening with teachers, counselors, and your child at the proper time, you can make sure your son or daughter has the resources he or she needs to get past these difficulties.