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Positive Values: An Introduction

How do you raise a child with character? By teaching positive values. Values are like an integrated compass--they help point the way to thinking and acting appropriately. Search Institute has identified six positive values that are central to healthy development: caring, equality and social justice, integrity, honesty, responsibility, and restraint.

Did You Know?

  • The most common positive value young people (ages 12 to 18) report having is integrity (68 percent of young people report having this value). The percentages of young people who report having the five other positive values are: honesty (66 percent), responsibility (63 percent), equality and social justice (52 percent), caring (50 percent), and restraint (45 percent).3
  • Girls are much more likely to report having positive values than boys. For example, 59 percent of girls report having the value of caring, compared to only 40 percent of boys. Seventy-five percent of girls report having integrity compared to only 59 percent of boys.1
  • Researchers have discovered that the six positive values are associated with higher levels of positive behavior, better problem-solving skills, better critical-thinking skills, increased conflict-resolution skills, decreased likelihood of having premature sexual intercourse, having fewer friends who make bad choices, great competence, and higher grades and test scores.2

When we teach kids to help another person, that’s a positive value. When kids stand up for another child, even though it’s a hard thing to do, that’s also a positive value. Once you've laid the foundation, kids will continue to learn about and build positive values for years to come.

Frequent Questions and Concerns about Positive Values

What are positive values?

Positive values are standards and social principles that are accepted by an individual, a family, a group, or a society. The more positive our values are, the more positive our actions will be. When you think about the future you want for your child, positive values such as caring and responsibility may be more important than good grades or a high-paying job.

Which values are most important?

Some positive values can be found in most cultures, while others are prevalent in some cultures more than others. Search Institute has identified six positive values that are common in almost every culture. The six positive values in the Developmental Assets framework fit into two categories: prosocial values and personal character values. The first two positive values, caring and equality/social justice, are prosocial values that promote caring and compassion toward others. The other positive values, integrity, honesty, responsibility, and restraint, create a foundation of character that leads to making wise decisions.

Where do values come from?

Values come from two major sources: modeling and teaching. When adults and kids act on their values, they model them for everyone to see. People notice when someone stops to help another in need. People see the value of someone telling the truth—even when it’s hard. Values also come from teaching. When we teach positive values, and keep teaching them over and over again, kids learn that they’re important.

Encouraging Kids to Be Responsible

How much do your kids help with family chores? How much does your child take responsibility for working hard in school? Teaching your child to be responsible does not happen overnight. Little by little, we can help kids become responsible by giving them age-appropriate responsibilities and clear guidance on how to fulfill their obligations.

  • Search Institute researchers found that among older children, sixth graders are the most likely to be responsible, and ninth graders are the least likely to be responsible. The good news, however, is that kids gradually become more responsible as they get older. High school seniors are almost as responsible as sixth graders. Continue to talk about the importance of responsibility—even when kids are in a phase of being irresponsible.
  • Create a family to-do list, making each family member responsible for a specific chore. Then periodically switch these chores so that family members don’t get bored.
  • Break responsibilities down into easy-to-do steps. Many kids don’t act responsibly because they don’t understand all the steps involved—or they get overwhelmed.

Many parents struggle with teaching their children to be responsible. It’s not something that comes easily, and it doesn’t help that different generations have very different standards of responsibility. But with caring instruction, your kids will learn the value of being responsible and come to realize that even though they may not like it, it’s best for everyone.

Teaching Kids to Value Restraint

How do you get kids to value restraint in a culture that values indulgence?

Parents want kids to have restraint and to not engage in risk behaviors, such as alcohol, tobacco, or drug use or premature sexual activity. But how do you get kids to value restraint in a culture that values indulgence?

  • From an early age, teach kids that it’s important not to be sexually active or to use alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. Then model that value by drinking responsibly, behaving appropriately, and not using drugs.
  • If you exercised restraint on a fairly regular basis when you were younger, talk to your kids about why you showed restraint and how it helped you. If you have engaged in unsafe behavior, be honest and let them know why you expect them to act differently. Connect your kids with other adults they respect who are willing to share their stories of waiting to drink alcohol until they were 21 or waiting to have sex until they were adults.
  • As kids get older, talk about the specifics of restraint, such as not drinking alcohol at parties (even if everyone else is), not having one-night stands, or not thinking that being in love is the green light to have sex. Also, talk about temptation and how easy it is to end up in a situation if teens aren’t aware of where they stand.
  • Teach kids how to deal with the setbacks and difficulties of life in positive ways. Too many kids try drinking alcohol or using drugs as a way to escape a painful situation. Give them better alternatives, such as going jogging, punching a pillow, or calling a help line to talk with someone anonymously if they aren’t ready to talk to someone they know..

Children who practice restraint are much less likely to get involved in many risk behaviors, including alcohol and tobacco use, premature sexual activity, reckless driving, and others. Emphasizing the importance of restraint to your kids will help keep them out of trouble both now and in the future.

Promoting Equality and Social Justice

Equality and social justice include racial and ethnic equality, reducing hunger and poverty, promoting political liberty, and freedom of thought. Girls and younger teenagers are more likely to highly value equality and social justice, but all kids can learn the importance of this positive value.

  • Become aware of which groups of people you’re uncomfortable with and why. Prejudices tend to sprout when we don’t know people from certain groups. Attempt to create more diversity in your lives by attending multicultural events or visiting a playground in a different part of town.
  • As a family, learn about organizations that help the poor, the disadvantaged, and people who are discriminated against. Choose one organization to help financially, if you can. There are many ways you can help that won’t cost you anything.
  • Find out which causes your kids care about. For example, one of your kids might be an advocate for endangered species. Another might strongly believe in affordable health care. Support these causes as a family. Learn more about them. Attend local events related to those causes.

There are many causes that both kids and parents feel strongly about, all of which need support. By raising kids who value equality and social justice, you are investing in a better future for everyone.

Teaching Kids to Be Honest

We want our kids to tell the truth—even when it’s not easy. But being honest is a tricky thing. There are white lies, half-truths, and withholding information. When we teach our kids to be honest, we help them develop into individuals with tact and compassion.

  • Create a warm, loving, and safe home environment so when your kids make mistakes, they feel they can admit them honestly and seek out your help. When they do admit their errors, be careful in how you respond so you don’t shut them down. Yes, they may need to be disciplined, but approach the situation as a learning experience.
  • Kids learn a lot about honesty from the way you act. They notice when you tell lies over the phone—or to a salesperson to get rid of her. Work on being honest yet tactful and respectful to others.
  • Be honest if you’re having a hard time doing something, such as losing weight (and you’re tempted to sneak cookies) or quitting smoking (and you’re tempted to smoke away from the family without them knowing it). Talk about how lying is much more than telling outright lies. It also involves deception and withholding information.
  • Praise your kids when they’re honest with you (even if you’re very angry about what they told you). Notice when they’re being honest—it’s not always easy!

Kids have a lot of opportunities to be dishonest—at home, at school, with their friends, and in many other places. It’s up to you to teach them that being honest is the right thing to do, even when it might get them in trouble. Show them through your actions that telling the truth is always the best decision, and they’ll follow suit.

Raising Kids with Integrity

Does your child act on her or his convictions and stand up for her or his beliefs? Having integrity can take a long time to learn, but the more a child practices this, the more likely she or he will develop this crucial value.

  • Talk to your kids about what integrity means, and what it means to stand up for your own values. Ask them who they see as having a sense of integrity, and who they think backs down from their values in the face of adversity.
  • As a family, identify role models with integrity whom you admire. These may include Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, or someone else. Learn about these individuals and how they learned to live a life of integrity.
  • Applaud and support family members when they “do the right thing, even when it’s hard.” Maybe your child stepped in when another child was being teased. Or maybe your child admitted to cheating on a test—even though she knows the entire class cheated and she was the only one who got into trouble for her honesty.
  • When someone with integrity admits to scandal or making a mistake, talk about this as a family. Talk about which actions you believe are most damaging and why. With older teenagers, discuss why leaders can be tempted to do the wrong thing.

Having values doesn’t mean much if you can’t stand up for them—an important lesson to impart upon your children. Everyone’s values and beliefs are tested at some point in their lives, and it takes strong conviction to stand up for them in the face of adversity. Help your children prepare for these times by encouraging them to have integrity, and set a good example by standing by your own beliefs, even when it’s hard.

Teaching Kids to Be Caring

We want our kids to place a high value on helping other people, which is what caring is all about. When we teach kids to care, not only do they learn how to care about themselves, but they also learn how to care for others and make the world a better place.

  • One way to teach children how to care is by having a pet or interacting with a friend’s pet. For young children, learning to be gentle and caring are important values. Older kids can learn how to play with a pet and recognize the cues of “come closer” or “give me some space.”
  • Whenever your child notices that someone is upset and wants to help, encourage him to act on that impulse. Afterward, talk about how proud you are of your child for caring.
  • Find a meaningful way for your family to volunteer to help others. For example, serve soup at a food shelf. Deliver a meal to an elderly acquaintance who lives alone. Visit people in the hospital or a nursing home. (Learn more in our Serving Others section.)
  • When you see news stories about natural disasters or tragedies, get your family together and ask what you can do to help. Maybe you can purchase water and deliver it to a drop-off collection center. Or you could assist a local organization in a relief effort.

By expressing concern for others in various ways, you can set a positive example for your child and let her or him know that caring for others is important. Raising caring kids is something that requires a caring lifestyle; start thinking about how you act today and see if you can make any changes to be more caring.

Positive Values: Summary and Next Steps

Teaching your kids to value equality, social justice, integrity, honesty, responsibility, and restraint will help them throughout the rest of their lives. The best way to show your child that values are important is through modeling them yourself—remember that your child is always watching and learning, no matter what you do. Make sure you’re being intentional about what you do and say, and your kids will start picking up on what’s important to you.

Books from Search Institute

  • Make a World of Difference — 50 activities, handouts, and scripts help kids learn to value diversity and enhance their interpersonal relationship skills in any setting.

More Books You May Like

  • Building Everyday Leadership in All Teens — Educators and group leaders will love this guide to developing leadership in teens. The lessons contained in this book help teens take the lead in everyday situations.
  • The Family Virtues Guide — By teaching one new virtue each week, parents can use this guide to help their children develop a strong sense of morality.
  • How Much Is Enough? — Learn how to instill a sense of responsibility in your children while fighting overindulgence.
  • Too Much of a Good Thing — This book discusses the Parenting Practices at the Millennium study results, and provides advice on how to raise kids who value restraint.