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Chores and Responsibilities: An Introduction

Getting your kids to help out around the house can be tough. You want to be fair in assigning chores (especially if you have more than one child), but you also want to make sure they're age-appropriate and teach your child responsibility. You wish your kids were organized and on task, but they seem to always have some sort of excuse. If you get frustrated with your kids and chores, you're not alone.

Did You Know?

  • Twenty-five percent of parents responding to an ASU survey reported that they constantly nag their kids about cleaning their rooms.1

  • Other issues parents were concerned with included picking up dirty clothes, putting dirty dishes in the sink, and hanging up wet towels.1

  • Adolescents learn valuable lessons such as responsibility, autonomy, and decision-making skills from completing chores around the house.1

Even though it can cause some tension, getting your kids to help out around the house is beneficial in many ways. In addition to teaching them crucial life skills, it will free up some of your time so you can spend more time with them. Read on to find out how you can get your whole family to help with chores.

Frequent Questions and Concerns about Chores and Responsibility

How can I help my child grow up to be a responsible teenager and adult?

When it comes to teaching responsibility, it helps to start early and build the practice over time. For example, when a younger child seems ready (probably between the ages of 3 and 5), negotiate a time at which you and your child will clean up her room together. After doing this for a while, set a weekly time when she cleans her own room, and periodically check on her progress. After your child masters this, have all family members take responsibility for cleaning their rooms on a weekly basis without a set time.

Should I punish my child for ignoring his chores and responsibilities?

Letting natural and logical consequences occur can be one of the best ways to encourage your child to stay on top of his chores. For example, set a family rule that everyone is responsible for putting away her or his things, and anything that is left out will be put in a box in the garage or a storage room. Don’t nag or scold your child, but be sure to follow through with the consequence. Your child will soon tire of retrieving things from the inconvenient location and will begin to put them away.

Remember that “punishment” and “discipline” are different things—punishment has a very negative connotation, while discipline can be used as a teaching experience to help your child in the future.

Read more about positive discipline.

What kinds of chores can my younger children do?

Many chores are age-appropriate for younger children. For example, young children can help you set and clear the table before and after dinner. Your 10- or 11-year-old can strip the sheets off of beds before laundry. Teach your 13- to 15-year-old to do laundry. Get creative with the chores you have your children do, and you’ll be able to come up with something for any age. (Keep in mind that younger children will not complete chores in the same ways that older children or adults will—a bed made by a 5-year-old will not be as neat as one made by a 12-year-old.)

Should I pay my child to do chores around the house?

If your child is in a money jam, and you don’t want her to get a job, you may consider compensating her for doing some special projects around the house, such as cleaning out a large closet or doing yard work. Talk to your child about which chores are everyday tasks that she is expected to do as a member of the family, and which ones are special projects that earn payment. Whether your child is a 5-year-old picking up blocks or a 16-year-old who wants to get a job outside of the home, the point is to teach family responsibility.

Getting Everyone to Help

If you wish your child helped out more at home, you’re not alone. According to research from Arizona State University, the four most common tensions about household chores include parents wishing kids would 1) clean their rooms;
2) pick up their dirty clothes; 3) put their dirty dishes in the sink; and 4) hang up wet towels. The same research study also found that kids between the ages of 6 and 18 do about 12 percent of household chores—leaving 88 percent to the parents. 1 How can you get everyone to help with household chores? Consider these ideas.

  • Create a chore list: list all the chores that need to be done and when, and then divide family chores up between family members. Or create a job jar: list chores one by one on slips of paper, fold them, and put them in a jar. Then have family members choose a piece of paper and get to work.
  • Set aside a time when everyone does chores together, such as a Saturday morning or a part of a Saturday afternoon. Explain that everyone will do chores at the same time and no one can do anything else until all the chores are completed. Encourage family members to help each other out to get chores finished sooner.
  • Find chores that are age appropriate for your kids. If you have young kids, get a big feather duster and let your child dust. Or let your child set the table by placing the silverware next to place settings. For more ideas, view this short video.
  • Older teenagers often do fewer chores than younger children because of more challenging schoolwork, more complex schedules, part-time jobs, and other demanding activities. Some parents allow their teenagers to do fewer chores as long as they keep their grades up and are involved in other activities. Other parents require their teenagers to continue participating in chores. However you feel about these commitments, and make your decision clear to your teenager.

Busy schedules—and uncooperative kids—can make it tough to make chores a family activity. But with some planning and persistence, you’ll soon be able to get everyone to help out. If you make doing chores a part of your family routine, and get all of your family members helping, you’ll get more work done, faster, and everyone will be happier because of it!

Dealing with Excuses

Every parent has dealt with her or his child’s excuses. And you keep thinking that if she would just do her chores instead of making excuses and arguing, she’d have them done already! Use the following tips to help get kids into action.

  • Figure out consequences for when your child refuses to take responsibility. For example, if your child won’t do the dishes, restrict his access to video games, the computer, or TV until he’s finished he’s done them.
  • Create routines in which responsibility comes first and fun times come after. That way if your child dawdles through her responsibilities, her fun time will be cut short.
  • Young children come up with fantastical excuses when they don’t want to stop playing. Go along with their fantasies and try to work them into the responsibility. For example, if your child is talking about how a monster keeps him from picking up his room, say that the monster’s mom told you that the monster also has to help.
  • Teach kids the difference between real excuses and lazy excuses. Real excuses mean that something has come up that makes it difficult to follow through with a responsibility, such as getting sick. A real excuse means that you will still need to take responsibility, but you will get more time to complete it. A lazy excuse is one that your child makes up or is using only because he or she does not want to do chores.
  • Keep a sense of humor. If your child constantly comes up with more and more outrageous excuses, write them down. (Save them to tell your kids when they become adults!)

Dealing with excuses can be frustrating. But by being reasonable with your children, setting a good example, and making chores a part of your family’s daily routine, you can minimize the number of excuses that you’ll have to hear.

Talking about Responsibility

Most kids would rather be outside playing or spending time with their friends than doing chores or taking on extra responsibilities. However, there are things that need to be done, whether we like them or not. Talking to your kids about responsibilities can help them understand the importance of teamwork and contribution to the family.

  • Talk about why doing household chores is important. Chores keep your home clean and enjoyable. They teach responsibility and help you make decisions. You can take pride in doing a job well, and everyone in a family is happier when everyone does her or his share.
  • Older teenagers often can’t wait to be adults. Talk to your teenager about how responsibilities go hand-in-hand with the freedoms of adulthood. Make sure he knows that even though you won’t be around to remind him of his chores all the time, he is growing into a mature person who can get things done with or without a parent watching over him.
  • Some kids—-especially younger teenagers—-believe they have time only for friends and will make excuses for everything else. Wanting to be with friends is developmentally appropriate, but your child needs to learn that both family and friends are important. Set guidelines, such as how many meals you want to eat together as a family and other activities you’d like your child to do, such as household chores. Be clear that every person has to find a balance between spending time with their friends and their home lives.
  • Tell your child that privileges come with responsibilities. It may seem like adults can do whatever they want, whenever they want, but they also have to go to work every day and take care of their families and their households.

Taking on new responsibilities is an important part of growing up—but it can also be a difficult one. Kids are often resistant to being assigned new chores, but will gladly accept new privileges. By helping your children understand that responsibilities are a necessary part of life, you’ll help shape their attitude into a positive one.

Staying Organized

Organization means different things to different people, even within families. Getting organized can mean a household in which everyone pitches in to complete chores, it can mean finding time for complex school projects, or it can refer to juggling complex family schedules. Teaching kids the skills to plan future events, manage homework and activities, and complete responsibilities, and well serve them into high school and beyond.

  • Start using a family calendar to write down everyone’s commitments and responsibilities so that the whole family can keep track of who is going where and when. A family whiteboard can also be a useful method of keeping track of commitments.
  • Encourage your older child to use a personal planner. Track homework and big projects that have long term deadlines. Talk about how to break up big projects into small pieces so that deadlines are not melodramatic events. Check planners together every night.
  • Expect your teens to play an active role in keeping your family organized, from doing their chores to giving you advance notice when they need your help, money, or permission to participate in an activity, and so on. When they fail to be organize, let them deal with their own consequences.
  • Modeling organized behavior is also important—if your child see that you consistently forget to pay your bills on time or are constantly losing your car keys, it will be difficult to convince them that organization is important to you and your family. Set a good example for your child by using the tools available to you to stay organized and on-track.

Teaching your children to stay organized can be a difficult task—especially if you’re starting late. But through practice and patience, you can impart a very valuable life skill on your children that will help them be successful throughout the rest of their lives.

Chores and Responsibilities: Summary and Next Steps

Raising a responsible child is one of every parent’s goals. Parents know that to be successful in the real world, kids have to be responsible and have a sense of discipline. But getting to that point can be a challenge. That’s why it’s so important to start teaching your child about responsibility early. It may not be easy, but teaching your kids to be responsible is a great gift that will benefit them throughout the rest of their lives.

More Books You May Like

  • Raising a Responsible Child — Drs. McKay and Dinkmeyer have created a parent-friendly guide that addresses parenting styles, influencing behavior, understanding emotion, and more.