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Bullying and Cyberbullying: What You Need to Know

The New Face of Bullying

We all know that in a “dog eat dog” world, the biggest dog with the loudest bark usually ends up on top. We see this more clearly than ever in the school environment, through what is known as “bullying”. The media, an increase teen suicides, an increase in cyberbullying, and countless PSA’s and anti-bullying campaigns make us painfully aware of this reality. But what really is bullying? Are we as a society guilty of often labeling conflict between peers as “bullying”, and what separates bullying from conflict?

What is Cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying, the latest trend in bullying, adds a complex, digital layer to the existing problem. What you need to know about cyberbullying >>

Breaking the Cycle

Once we can properly identify bullying, we need to begin to take actions to prevent it. When bullying happens, it is common for two sides begin to play the “blame and shame” game; teachers and school administration will blame parents for not bringing up better children, and parents will blame the education system for not stopping bullying in schools.

All of us need to realize that placing blame on a situation should not take priority. Instead, we need to work together to take proactive approaches to raising resilient kids, so they may become healthy, caring, well-adjusted adults who will be less prone to engaging in violent or risky behaviors like bullying.

Helping Kids Rise above Bullying

While devising programs and plans to reduce the incidence of bullying is important, these actions can only do so much. All adults need to realize that they play an important role in preventing bullying. The action steps that adults can take start at home, and spread to schools and entire communities. These action steps are called building resilience, and it’s the long-term solution to addressing bullying and other risky childhood behaviors.

Although some kids may have some biological inclination toward resilience, there is research that overwhelmingly points toward the ability for resilience factors to be learned. When we teach resilience, we are able to change the life trajectories of kids from risk to resilience, but it has to be taught to them by the adults in their families, their schools, and their communities.

The Action Steps below will take you to action steps that all adults can take in each of these environments in order to foster positive characteristics that build resilience and promote healthy development and successful learning.

Action Steps

>For Parents
>For Schools
>For Communities

Is It Bullying?

With all of the media coverage and educational emphasis on the problem of bullying, it would be easy to categorize bullying as an epidemic. It would also be easy to fall into thinking that developmentally normal behavior, such as conflict, could be categorized as bullying.

So how can we tell the difference between bullying and developmentally appropriate conflict?

Conflict is Normal

Conflict is a part of everyday life. As adults, we maneuver ourselves away from conflict throughout our days, and sometimes we know that it just happens. It goes without saying, then, that some conflict is normal in our children’s lives in the same way that it is normal in our lives. It is only because of our experience in dealing with conflict that we, as adults, now know how to deal with conflict ourselves. In fact, many adults attribute the difficulties that we have faced in conflict with others as areas of growth that have built our resilience and helped us face life’s adversities.

As adults – whether parents, school officials, or community members – we need to recognize that some of what we call “bullying” may actually be developmentally appropriate conflict and is a normal part of growing up.

Learn more: What’s normal during each age and stage?

Recognizing Bullying

Bullying is a complex problem, but there are good tools and resources that can help parents, educators, and caring adults identify bullying behavior. Did you know that there are four, specific characteristics that can qualify a situation as bullying? The behavior has to be intentional, be repetitive, be hurtful, and involve an imbalance of power.

  • Intentional—Children can hurt other children by accident. Bullying, however, is always intentional and meant to cause some sort of harm, whether it is physical or verbal. This behavior may persist even after the victim has asked the bully to stop.
  • Repetitive—In most cases, bullying happens repeatedly. Bullies often target children who they know will not do anything about the behavior, so they can continue bullying as long as they like.
  • Hurtful—Bullying is a negative behavior that may include physical or verbal harm. The types of hurtful behavior that qualify as bullying are varied, but they all cause harm of some sort to the victim.
  • Imbalance of power—If two children hold an equal amount of power, one cannot bully the other. This imbalance of power can come from different sources, including age, size, strength, and social status.

Download the Signs of Bullying >>

When to Step In


We have this same issue in our adult lives as well, and there are laws to protect us when conflict crosses the line into adult-size bullying. We cannot legally threaten, harm, or harass each other; when we do, there are procedures in place to bring the “bully” to justice. Because we are adults and because we have learned that threatening, harming, and harassing each other is not right, this system works. This is not the case with children—yet. When dealing with children, we have to both educate and protect. We cannot simply expect proper behavior in the same way that we can from our coworkers or our friends, and we cannot simply turn our children over to the criminal system when they harm or threaten one another. Instead, we need to model behavior that teaches children how to communicate and go through conflict with others.

Learn more: Teaching kids to resolve conflicts peacefully >>

At the same time, we need to hold children accountable for their actions, correct their misbehavior, and help them how to make better choices in future situations. At times, drastic interventions may be required such as having children attend anger management classes or go to individual and/or family counseling. Like some adults, some children may need to be detained if their behavior is so threatening to others that they cannot safely remain in their homes or schools.

See resouces for stepping-in on bullying behavior >>

We all had to learn to deal with conflict just like our children will need to learn. At the same time, though, we have to ensure that children are safe and protected. This is not easy! Just as we take action once someone crosses the line from conflict into crime, we must act once children begin harming others in ways that are intentional, repetitive, hurtful, and cause an imbalance of power—or in the most extreme cases—life-threatening.

Helping Kids Rise above Bullying

While devising programs and plans to reduce the incidence of bullying is important, these actions can only do so much. All adults need to realize that they play an important role in preventing bullying. The action steps that adults can take start at home, and spread to schools and entire communities. These action steps are called building resilience, and it’s the long-term solution to addressing bullying and other risky childhood behaviors.

>For Parents
>For Schools
>For Communities

Conflict is Normal

Conflict vs. Bullying Behavior

Conflict is a part of everyday life. As adults, we maneuver ourselves away from conflict throughout our days, and sometimes we know that it just happens. It goes without saying, so it is to be expected that some conflict is also normal in our children’s lives. All adults need to recognize that some of what we call “bullying” may actually be developmentally appropriate conflict and is a normal part of growing up.

What should we expect from children in relation to conflict and how do we help them negotiate it? How is developmentally appropriate conflict different from a bullying situation? What can we do to protect our children when it’s bullying? And how do we know when to step in to help them get out of potentially dangerous situations?

Learn more: How to recognize bullying behavior >>

Quick Links:

Children go through developmental stages; with each stage, they struggle and conquer different issues or different angles of issues. Each of the links below discusses types of conflicts experienced by children as well as some ways that adults can help children and teens become resilient adults who can overcome the adversity of bullying now, and the adversity that they will surely continue to face as they grow older.

Ages 6-9

With girls in this age group, conflict will show itself in words and mostly nonviolent actions such as excluding others from groups. Boys tend to have more aggressive behavior in play, so their conflict can also become aggressive. Adults don’t need to step into every conflict situation, but ongoing interaction with children about their word choices and their actions is very appropriate.

What to Expect:

  • This stage can be seen as one of serial best friends at first until later they widen their friendship group. This can cause issues when one child is left out or when friend changes happen.
  • This stage is full of conflicts with others at school and at home as children learn how to negotiate peer competition in sports, in the classroom, and even with adults.
  • This stage is when children realize that they have opinions, that they start to make those opinions heard, and that – sometimes – those opinions differ from others’ opinions.
  • This stage can be hard on children as they maneuver new experiences. Success in these relational experiences leads them to feel competent, but failure results in feelings of inferiority.

How to help kids in this stage:

  • Perspective Taking: Adults should help kids to see situations from others’ perspectives by asking questions such as, “How would you feel if she had called you the name you called her?”
  • Expand Peer Groups: Educators should assign seating in the classroom and at the lunch table, assign partners for projects, and choose teams for the sports. Parents can help by inviting classmates who are outside of their child’s current “circle” to dinner or out for ice cream. Enroll your child in extra-curricular activities where they are forced to interact with a different peer group. The more meshing of all children, the better! They will isolate without the help of adults!
  • Pay Attention: Adults should stay in close proximity of this age group as much as possible. While a little independence is good for them, peripheral monitoring of these children is necessary. When parents and teachers leave this age group to their own devices, this group has the ability to make very poor choices.

Download these tips. (PDF)

Learn more: Parenting Kids Ages 6-9

Ages 10-14

In this stage, adults need to see themselves as guides—almost “gatekeepers”—for children. Even though children can take on more responsibility for themselves in this stage, parents need to be available both physically and emotionally as much as possible. Adults also need to see themselves as mentors of behaviors for this stage.Adults can help all children in this stage negotiate conflict by helping children in the following ways:

What to Expect:

  • Children in this stage have the ability to think like adults without the life experiences of adulthood. They want independence but still need guidance. When we begin question our children’s thoughts and actions, conflicts will happen, and when our children do not see the sense in what they are being told by peers or by adults, it can be cause for conflict as well.
  • Acceptance is a big deal at this stage! Teens especially need to know that they fit in somewhere, and peer acceptance becomes very important in middle school and high school.
  • Relationships can be hard to negotiate at this stage as friendships and romantic feelings begin to blend. Peer relationships can get complicated because kids in this stage are spending so much time together at school, in sports, and in other activities.
  • Cliques become prevalent at this stage as children and teens start to identify themselves with one group or another. It is not until high school that they can start to identify with multiple groups and have friends across activities.
  • In our current society, this would be the typical stage for children to enter the social media world as Facebook’s policy for account holders is that they must be 13 or older.

How to help tweens in this stage:

  • Reign in the Social Media: Adults need to educate and closely monitor children’s interactions on social media sites like Facebook and YouTube. Depending on the state or residence, parents can be held legally responsible for their children’s actions on their home computers and cell phones.
  • Create Family Identity: Because acceptance is such an important part of this stage, children need to feel that there is one place where they feel unconditionally accepted—a place where they have an identity. Additionally, creating a model for healthy conflict resolution within the family structure will model habits that children can take into other environments.
  • Encourage Multiple Interests: Parents and teachers can combat clique development by noticing children’s interests and helping them to pursue them. Adults should always be on the look-out for a way to add children to a new mix. Crossing “categories” (such as having an art interest or singing group as well as a sport) is a great way to connect children with others.
  • Talk It Out: Adults need to prepare themselves for this stage because it may be filled with a lot of words. These conversations are very important as children need to start putting reasons behind almost every decision that is made. They are no longer toddlers whose “why?” can be answered with “because I am the dad, and I say so. ”Keep in mind that every conversation is a teaching moment. Seek out conversations during peaceful times so that concepts can be discussed outside of the heat of a moment.

Download these tips. (PDF)

Learn more: Parenting Kids Ages 10-14

Ages 15-18

In this stage, adults need to see themselves as role models for teens. Every interaction with teens could be a learning experience. Almost every question that teens ask could have a deeper meaning than what it appears on the surface. Adults need to be prepared to go deeper by asking questions while being cautious not to scare teens away.

What to Expect:

  • In this stage, teens have many adult characteristics but still need rules, guidance, and consequences. Teens may not outwardly admit that they see their parents as authority figures or advocates, but they believe it inside. Conflict in teen-parent, teen-teen, and teen-teacher relationships is common.
  • Teens in this stage may have internal issues or conflicts that they experience. This can be a struggle for some teens, and adults need to pay attention for mental health warning signs.
  • Although cliques reduce in this stage as interests and friendships expand, dating becomes more prevalent. This can lead to very intense, exclusive pairings. This needs to be watched as those involved may not have all of the skills required to maneuver these new relationships, and this could lead to conflict with friends, with significant others, and with parents.
  • It is likely that teens will start to spend large amounts of time away from home with friends, work commitments, and extra-curricular activities.
  • Much of actual conflict occurs via instant messaging or texting which leads to further conflict due to the lack of clear communication and missing important aspects such as the non-verbal side of communication.

How to help teens in this stage:

  • Increase Independence with Clear Expectations: This is the time when parents can start to let their teens make more choices about where they are and who they are with. At the same time, parents need to maintain clear expectations (and high ones!) for behavior, grades, and communication. Being flexible in situations that warrant it can help the parent-teen relationship, but maintaining the overall essence of what is expected is important.
  • Make Family a Priority: Teens need a home base from which to maneuver the rest of the world. This is a time in their lives when home needs to be the safe zone for them. Parents need to create family time that is protected while being flexible around your teen’s commitments. For example: having Sunday afternoons be a family day where everyone agrees to eat meals together and play a board game or go to a movie together can allow teens to start off the week on the right foot.
  • Create Codes for Getting Teens Help: Teens have a lot of other people in their lives – bosses, teachers, and friends – who do not always have their best interests at heart. Teens need to know how to access help from their parents when they need it. Cell phones and texting have made this easier for teens to reach out to parents without saying things out loud in front of these people. Teens need to know that their parents will help them get out of sticky situations – even if there may be consequences later.
  • Be Prepared to Interact: Teens need adults to act as sounding boards. They also need guidance from people who have been down roads ahead of them. Even though they do not always admit it, teens look to adults to model how to get through conflict. The way that adults describe conflicts in their work environments or in their friendships impacts how teens handle similar situations. When teens see adults going through conflict – whether with success or failure, they will create templates from which they can then interact in conflicting experiences. Adults need to be willing to talk through their successful and failed conflicts with them so that they can learn how to proceed in both the teen and adult worlds.

Download these tips. (PDF)

Learn more: Parenting Teens Ages 15-18

Anti-Bullying Action Steps for Parents


Recent research on bullying and resilience says that “warm family relationships and positive home environments help to buffer children from the negative outcomes associated with bullying victimization.” 1

It’s true. Parents create the foundation from which resilience is built, and they are integral to the development of children. As parents, we are the first role models for our children, and we influence them with every move, every word, and every look. While this can seem overwhelming, intentional parenting is imperative to raising resilient, healthy, and well-adjusted kids and future adults. With this in mind, we developed the following action steps for parents. These steps are based on Developmental Assets research, the qualities and external factors that we know kids need to be successful.

  • Be a Good Role Model – No parent is perfect, but it’s important for every parent to recognize and remember that your kids are always watching you! Be sure that you behave in ways that you would like to see replicated.
  • Create a Supportive Family Environment – All families are different, so there is no cookie-cutter approach to this action step. Your family’s culture is defined by all members of your family. In a supportive family culture, parents to frequently interact with their children. Get to know your kids, find out what they love, and then support those passions.
  • Engage in Positive Family Communication – Communication seems to be the hardest thing for all of us to do. With our children, we need to be sure that what we say is what we mean, and that they do not have to read into situations. How we teach them to communicate in our homes will then carry over into how they communicate at school and with their friends. In the same way, the ways that they communicate with their friends may seep into their communications with us. It’s a parents job to ensure that their communication remains positive! Finally, listen to what your child is saying. Sometimes the things that they don’t say are even more important than the things they do say. Be sure to clue in if your child seems to feel unsafe in a situation and pursue that in conversation.

Get tips for active listening >>

  • Be Involved in Your Child’s Schooling – Research shows that children are more successful when parents are involved in their school. Attend school conferences, know your child’s teacher, and volunteer in any way that you can. If you make an effort to establish a relationship with your child’s teacher or school administrator, it will also be a huge help if the need arises for you to have a hard discussion.
  • Encourage School and Community Involvement – The more involved that kids are with others and with organizations, the better off they are, whether it’s at church or at your local community center. Encourage inter-generational events whenever possible. Whatever they do, support their involvement in healthy activities because it will continue to make them healthier in the long run.
  • Provide Clear Boundaries and Safety – Children need clear guidelines to follow as they grow up, and they need to feel safe. Parents need to set clear boundaries for behavior and should have high expectations in terms of respect for self, others, and property.
  • Have High Expectations for Academics and Behavior – Not every students is a straight A student, but having high expectations that kids do their best on every project, worksheet, or test is important. Kids should do their best, and they should seek out learning. Kids will raise their own expectations to meet ours as parents, so we should aim high in academics and behavior.
  • Promote Positive Values- Children do not naturally look out for others or show restraint; we need to teach them these qualities. While helping our children become caring, honest, responsible, and self-controlled beings is difficult, these are some of the qualities that will make them the healthiest as teens and adults. Watch for experiences when you can teach and promote these values – it will benefit them in the long run!
  • Help Kids Dream about Their Futures – One of the first things that we ask little kids is, “What are you going to be when you grow up?” And the question is asked over and over again. When your kids answer with big dreams, support them! Network with people in those fields through community, school, and religious organizations, and help them to seek out ways to make those dreams possible. As they grow older, encourage them to take classes in school that will keep their options open. Assist them in pursuing those big dreams by believing in them!

Download these tips (PDF).

Learn More: Download ParentFurther’s 9 Parenting Strategies for being a great parent >

Anti-Bullying Action Steps for Schools and Educators

Recent research on resilience and bullying says that “Schools play a critical role in the process of child and adolescent development by providing the components or strengths they need to be caring and productive citizens in adulthood.” 1

Educators play a big part in building resilience in their students, and educators’ efforts are important because they support the efforts of families and community members in this child-raising collaborative. With this in mind, we’ve created these anti-bullying tips for schools and educators based on the Developmental Assets research, the qualities and external factors that we know kids need to be successful.

  • Create a Caring School Environment – School should be a warm, inviting, and accepting place. Parents and students alike should feel comfortable and welcome at school. Be sure that all students know that they are important to the school environment and feel that they are actively a part of what makes the school great.
  • Encourage Parents to Be Involved – Schools send out letters asking for help in the classrooms and in other ways, but oftentimes parents sense that the school does not see them as partners in raising their children. Make sure that is not the case. Invite every parent to volunteer or contribute a skill to the classroom. Be conscious of families who have situations that create roadblocks, and brainstorm with them and with other educators about ways to overcome them.
  • See Youth as Resources- Create ways for students to contribute to the school so that they feel that they are a resource. Encourage a reading buddy classroom program, have a student council, or allow students to have a voice about which lunch program you use.
  • Create Service Experiences for Youth – Whether the choir sings at a nursing home, the student council picks up trash on the playground, or a grade level competes to bring in food items for the homeless shelter, every small act of service that children do helps them learn that life is not just about them. This also connects them to causes bigger than themselves and helps them see needs where they may not have seen them before.
  • Provide Clear Boundaries and Safety – Teachers need to be clear about their classroom rules and then enforce them. Three basic rules should guide all classrooms: respect for self, respect for others, and respect for property; all positive behavior falls under those guidelines and creates a respectful and safe environment.
  • Encourage School Engagement- Provide an array of extra-curricular and after school offerings in order to promote students’ bonds to school through relationships, interests, and time. When kids spend time together with each other (and with other adults in the school) doing something of shared interest, they see school as having an important role in their lives. In turn, they will feel more comfortable at school, and they will seek out ways to become even more involved.
  • Promote Positive Values- Children are not born with positive values, but every interaction that they have is a potential opportunity to help them learn. Use literature and historical figures to promote these values as well as those unplanned teachable moments to promote the concepts of equality, social justice, integrity, and responsibility. Connect these with the themes of respect in the classroom.
  • Help Students to Dream about Their Futures – School is where many students find out about potential future careers. Seek out ways to engage students in the knowledge of what they can do with their futures. Be on the look out for job-shadowing experiences or apprenticeships. Encourage students to engage with all curricula – even in areas where they struggle – so that the doors of opportunity remain wide open to them in their futures.

Download these tips (PDF).

Cyberbullying

Today, almost every aspect of our lives has “gone digital” making face-to-face communication the exception rather than the norm. This is even more of a reality in the lives of our children and teenagers whose homework assignments, report cards, and social interactions all increasingly have a digital or online component.

There are certainly benefits to this new digital age. Communication is far easier than it was a generation ago. Unfortunately there are also disadvantages. This ease of communication has also helped move bullying beyond harassment at school or on the playground and into cyberspace. This should come as no surprise since bullying tends to occur where teens congregate, and today, two-thirds of teenagers go online daily to do school work, connect with friends and read about their favorite celebrities. 1

Facts about Cyberbullying:

  • In a 2006 study, one in three online teens reported experiencing a range of cyberbullying activities, including “receiving threatening messages; having their private emails or text messages forwarded without consent; having an embarrassing picture posted without permission; or having rumors about them spread online.”
  • In more recent research, where cyberbullying was defined broadly 2 , one in five students 11-18 years old said that they had been cyberbullied; but interestingly, the same percentage admitted to cyberbullying someone at least once in the past. 3

For the most part, cyberbullying is defined by the same characteristics as other bullying. There are some significant differences, though, that deserve mention.

Characteristics of Cyberbullying:

  • First, cyberbullying can be anonymous: youth who are being cyberbullied may not even know who the bully is, or specifically why they are being targeted.
  • Second, the impact of cyberbullying can be wider-reaching than bullying done in person. The speed and breadth of the internet have permitted groups of youth to create websites just to make fun of other young people, to impersonate other teens on social media sites, and to circulate embarrassing photos, all within a matter of minutes.
  • Finally, cyberbullies can be teens who might not otherwise have engaged in bullying behaviors. It is often easier to be cruel when the bully is sheltered from their target’s responses which can over time include devastating consequences such as withdrawal from family and friends, depression, diminished performance in school and in the most severe cases, self-harming behavior and even suicide.

Today’s national media coverage of bullying often focuses on cases that come to an extreme and tragic end, with parents, schools and entire communities weighing in to express strong opinions about how to “deal with” the bullies, and wondering what, if anything could have been done to protect the “victim.” And even more often, parents and teachers and the community express surprise at the ordinariness of the youth who engaged in bullying behavior, and how unlikely it seemed that they would be involved in something so terrible.

Helping Kids Rise above Cyberbullying

Current research 4 shows that approaches to help prevent bullying behavior are essentially the same as those that will help youth withstand harassment. These approaches – which are closely linked to the Search Institute Developmental Assets, and include building strong and positive ties to family, peers and community, and fostering the values of empowerment and self-control, among others – seem to tell us that the needs of youth who react most dramatically to bullying, and those engaging in bullying behavior may in fact be the same.

Research shows that raising kids to be resilient can lead them to avoid more types of risky behaviors, including bullying. Learn more >>

Action Steps: If you suspect your child is being cyberbullied >>

Action Steps: If you suspect your child is cyberbullying others >>

Anti-Bullying Action Steps for Caring Community Members

Recent research on resilience and bullying supports the idea that communities are an important part of the collaborative effort against bullying. “The key is to strive toward working collaboratively to build the capacity of everyone to nurture the development of youth resiliency.” 1

We all play a role in the raising of our nation’s youth! With this in mind, we’ve created the following anti-bullying tips for caring community members based on the Developmental Assets research, the qualities and external factors that we know kids need to be successful.

  • Be Open to Mentoring Relationships with Youth- Research asserts that youth need three caring adults to provide support for them. This could be in your neighborhood, or through formal mentoring programs like Big Brothers, Big Sisters.
  • Create Opportunities for Youth to Engage with Community – Involve youth in neighborhood clean-up days, allow them to be on club committees, or seek out a group of youth to perform at a function in a community center. The more connected and important that youth feel to their community, the more successful they are in the future.
  • Take an Interest in Neighborhood Youth – Build relationships with your neighbors and your neighbor’s kids. Be on the watch for ways to have positive interactions with neighborhood youth. If you have young children, try to connect them with the neighborhood kids and get involved in their lives by providing a safe and supervised place for them to play.
  • Promote Peaceful Conflict Resolution – How we act in front of kids – whether in the grocery store or on the street – is teaching them something. Be sure that what you are teaching is what you want them to learn. Model good communication and peaceful, non-violent conflict resolution.
  • Provide Cross-Cultural Experiences for Youth – Promote the cross-cultural events that allow others to attend. Take a neighbor’s kid to the Chinese New Year celebration at the library. Become involved in your own cultural heritage and promote it with youth in your community. These experiences will not only be fun but will enhance the kids’ knowledge, tolerance, and acceptance of other cultures.
  • Promote Youth Having a Sense of Purpose – Adults in the community have a great deal of power toward shaping youth. Just looking kids in the eye when you see them on the street helps them know that they are seen. Look for ways to enhance their sense of purpose. This will help them build resilience. Express your appreciation when they have contributed to the community in a meaningful way and look for other opportunities to have them contribute in the future.
  • Provide Safety in the Community – Adults in the community can promote a safe environment by being a part of neighborhood watch groups, knowing who should be (or should not be) in a neighborhood, and watching out for each other’s children.
  • Have High Expectations for Behavior – While it can be awkward to correct another parent’s child, it can also be helpful. Build rapport with the families around you or with youth in your community. Model good behavior in your own life, and then expect positive behavior from the youth in your community. Many parents will appreciate the support of community members in this area.
  • Promote Positive Values – Children are not born with positive values; they have to learn them, and they do so by watching others in their behavior. Model integrity, honesty, responsibility, and restraint, and then promote those values with the youth in your community. Be caring in your interactions with them, and treat them the way you want them to treat you.
  • Help Youth to Dream about Their Futures – Community members can play an important role as youth explore what their futures will hold. If you are employed, find out if there are opportunities at your place of employment for job-shadowing. Be in conversation with youth about what you do, why you chose that career, and what skills they may be learning in school that could apply to what you do. Consider contributing to a scholarship fund or be creative in other ways to help disadvantaged youth in your community to follow their dreams.

Download these tips (PDF).

Stepping In

Bullying and violence are very difficult issues to deal with. It can be heartbreaking to learn that your child has been bullied, and frustrating if he or she is the one doing the bullying. But with positive intervention, you can help improve the situation.

If your child is prepared to deal with negative situations, he or she will be better able to handle bullying, and may even have a positive influence on the bully. And if you know when to step in, you can help prevent further violence from occurring, no matter whose child is involved.

We Recommend…

  • The Bully Free Classroom — With over 100 prevention and intervention strategies, this book for teachers and administrators will help you create a classroom free of bullying.

Useful Links…

  • www.StopBullying.gov — StopBullying.gov provides information from various government agencies on how kids, teens, young adults, parents, educators and others in the community can prevent or stop bullying.
  • Cyberbullying — The National Crime Prevention Council provides a wealth of information on cyberbullying and what you can do about it.

Rising above Bullying: What the Research Says

"Resilience is a set of processes that enables good outcomes in spite of serious threats.” -- Ann Masten (2001)

Raising Resilient Kids

With all the media coverage of teen suicides and school shootings tied to kids being bullied, it would be hard for bullying not to be on most of our minds right now. Bullying seems to be the latest in “hot topics” of risky childhood behaviors. The hot topic spotlight always seems to be shifting, sometimes focusing on risky behaviors like teen drug use, and sometimes on behaviors like early sexual activity or alcohol use. No matter what the issue, when these hot topics boil to the top of the pot of our awareness, we tend to respond in targeted ways to reduce the incidence of that one particular issue. But when we respond reactively instead of proactively, we are missing the opportunity to get to the root of the problem and address long-term solutions.

A Proactive Approach

When we focus on raising resilient kids, we counteract the impact of many high-risk behaviors, including bullying, reduce the incidence of dangerous behaviors, and promote positive behaviors for all. There is much research that supports the positive effects of raising resilient kids.

Bonnie Bernard is a resilience expert who has done an extensive amount of research and writing concerning resilience. Bernard notes the following important points about resilience 1:

1. Resilience is a capacity all youth have for healthy development and successful learning.

2. Certain personal strengths are associated with healthy development and successful learning.

3. Certain characteristics of families, schools, and communities are associated with the development of personal strengths and, in turn, healthy development and successful learning.

4. Changing the life trajectories of children and youth from risk to resilience starts with changing the beliefs of the adults in their families, schools, and communities.

Building Resilience with Developmental Assets

The characteristics of resilience that Bonnie Bernard talked about in her research are even more clearly defined a recent article published in the Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics of North America medical journal. The research states that

resilient youth have common resiliency factors operating as two broad sets of developmental strengths that encourage and support the coping skills of children and adolescents: (1) extrinsic factors (family, peers, school, and community), and (2) intrinsic factors or personality characteristics (empowerment, self-control, cultural sensitivity, self-concept, and social sensitivity). 4

These characteristics of resilience that are listed above are also known as Developmental Assets. The Developmental Assets are the things that we know kids need in order to grow up to be healthy, successful, and also resilient. We know that without these Developmental Assets, children and teens are at a higher risk for becoming involved in high risk behaviors like drug use, violence (bullying and otherwise), and underage drinking.

In other words, children and teens who have more Developmental Assets in their lives will have a greater inclination toward resilience, which will, in turn, lead them to avoid more types of risky behaviors, including bullying.

Nature vs Nurture?

Resilience studies have been around since the 1950s when Emmy Werner 2 conducted a longitudinal study of children in Kauai who led successful lives in the face of environmental adversity and stresses during childhood. She found that “resilient children appear to have developed a coping pattern that combines autonomy with an ability to ask for help when needed.” 3 Werner’s study implied that some children were resilient while others were not, and that some biological – almost extraordinary – feature existed in them to allow them to rise above their circumstances.

As resilience studies over the years have delved deeper into the issue, however, researchers have found that, while some kids may have some biological inclination toward resiliency, the ability for resilience factors can be learned. When we teach resilience, we are able to change the life trajectories of kids from risk to resilience, but it has to be taught to them by the adults in their families, their schools, and their communities.

The links below will take readers to action steps that adults can take in each of these environments in order to foster these characteristics that promote resilience, healthy development, and successful learning.

>Action Steps for Parents >
>Action Steps for Schools >
>Action Steps for Communities >