When You're Worried about Your Child's Friend

It can be a tough situation when you’re worried about one of your child’s friends, especially if you and your child are also affected. There are many reasons you may become worried about your child’s friend—but no matter the cause, there are things you can do to make the situation better.

• Remember that you can make a positive difference in the lives of your child’s friends. Be a source of support.
• Talk to your child about ways he can help his friends—encourage him to look on the Internet for programs, services, and opportunities for teens in need of help. Your child can then recommend these to a friend in need.
• Get to know the parents of your kids’ friends and their parenting approaches. If you have concerns that affect your own children, it’s important that you address them.
• If there are adults in your life who parent in ways that differ from your own, do your best to separate your opinions from issues of real concern. If you do feel the need to raise concerns about the well-being of another child, stick to the facts as you know them and offer specific observations and examples. Most parents are very invested in their own parenting styles, so tread lightly.
• If you notice your child becoming a caretaker for one of her friends, talk to her about what can reasonably be taken on. Being a listening friend is a perfect role—your child won’t always be able to solve problems that a friend is having.
• Be the “safe place” and “safe person” for teens to go to when they are having trouble with their families or friends. Welcome them into your home at whatever level is comfortable for you. If a child actually “runs away” to your home, tell her you have a responsibility to let her parents know she is safe at your home.

• When kids are in serious crises, help them connect with a professional who can assist them. Don’t take on more responsibility than you can handle.

Even if you don’t have a strong relationship with your child’s friend or that friend’s family, you can still make a difference. By helping your child help her or his friend—and possibly taking action yourself—you help build a community focused on helping kids succeed.