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What If My Teen Is Sexually Active?

Sometimes teenagers become sexually active. It happens. Not all teenagers who have sexual intercourse, however, use birth control.1 As a result, they’re likely to experience a teen pregnancy or get a sexually transmitted infection (STI). The most important thing that you can do to prevent these consequences is to talk with your child about early sexual activity.

Preventing Teen Sexual Activity

  • Tell your kids how you feel. Explain how most teenagers who have had sexual intercourse wish they had waited.2 Just because teens have had sexual intercourse once, or a few times, doesn’t mean that they have to keep doing it. The same goes for all teen sexual activity.
  • If your teenager tells you that he is thinking about having sexual intercourse, ask these questions, which will get your teen thinking about the many complicated facets of teen sexuality:
    • Why are you interested in having sex?
    • Are you feeling pressured? Are you pressuring someone else?
    • Are you afraid of losing a boyfriend or girlfriend if you don’t?
    • Are you willing to take responsibility for birth control?
    • Do you understand the risks involved in teen sexual activity?
    • Are you open to reconsidering your decision?
  • If your teen is sexually active and plans to continue, encourage your him to use birth control. You do not want your teenager to get pregnant, father a child, or contract an STI.
  • Be clear that all it takes is one time to get (or to get someone else) pregnant. The only sure way to prevent teen pregnancy is abstinence from sexual intercourse.
  • Stay connected with your teen. Teen sexuality is a difficult issue for many people to deal with. Keep talking about it with your child.

Finding out that your teen is sexually active can be a stressful experience, but by concentrating on helping him make good, well-informed decisions, you can have a positive effect on the situation. Avoid condemning your child, as this will only result in him being defensive and the situation becoming more difficult.

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1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance—United States, 2007,” Surveillance Summaries, June 6, 2008, MMWR 57, no. SS-4 (2008): 22-23.

2. Bill Albert, America’s Adults and Teens Sound Off About Teen Pregnancy: An Annual Survey, (Washington, DC: National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, 2007).

 

Comments

Submitted by Anonymous on Sat, 2012-03-24 12:32.
2

Not a lot of help. What if your teen age girl is sexually active. I cannot say that it is okay for her to have sex with her boyfriend. I cannot allow her to stay out with him all night. I have to set some boundaries.

I divorced my husband when my daughter was only 6 weeks old andshe has had only a very small amount of contact with him. It is just me and my daughter andit is very hard to be her friend and her parent. When there are two parents one can be the bad guy and the other the comforter. but when there is only one it is hard to uphold rules and also maintain an open dialouge.

what if, like I did you come home from work and find them in your house with the door locked and the boyfriend slides out the window half dressed.
What if your daughter says she is going to a friends and when you check she is not there. You finally catch up with her she is down at a local spot where kids go to have sex and also do drugs and the homeless also wind up there. a potentially dangerous place. she and her ,way to young boyfriend, decide they are safe because they are in the truck. They planned to spend the night in the truck at this place. This is also a place where there are signs up that no overnight stays are allowed. Obviously the police have better things to do than enforce the issue. But she could have been rousted by the police from the place. Her boyfriends family has some influence. We do not.

I mention all of this to her she is not affected. She tries to start a screaming match. I refuse. She tries to turn the conversation around and starts screaming that if I was not such a control freak I would not have checked on her. and why did I check on her. And I should have just stayed out of it.

This was the week end that spring break started. so all her sprng break plans were stoppedand I made her stay at her grandparents during the day while I worked. Her birthday is also 2 weeks away and she had plans to go to Universal. Which I had not yet okayed because I thought she andher boyfriend were too young to drive 2 hours to a big city alone. They are 16 years old. Now she is screaming at me because her birthday plans are ruined. I say its is unfortunate that she chose this time to get herself grounded. and that until she can make better choices I will continue to make sure she is chaparoned by and adult in every thing she does.

Is this wrong? apparently some parents just give the kids birth control and look the other way. I don’t see that as very good solution. Kids are not old enough to make decisions on thier own at this age. They can still become pregnant even with birth control.

Where do I go from here. I do not want to be my daughters jailor but she is giving me little choice. It is avery hard thing to work all day and worry what she is doing and then go home to her yelling at me for the slightest thing. And not be able to do anything on my own because she cannot be trusted not to bring her boyfriend over while I am gone. And to be around her constant insullence. I guess this is why other parents decide to ignore it. So they do not have to deal with it.

I am miserable and she is too. What do you suggest?

Submitted by jennyj on Wed, 2012-03-28 11:06.

Hi “Anonymous”,

We are sorry to hear that you are feeling so miserable about your current situation. We can certainly empathize. One of the things that define the teen years for many parents is difficulty with boundaries and discipline. Teens are eager to assert their independence, and this can often conflict with the rules you’ve set for your family. Dealing positively with these conflicts is important and will set a good example for your teen as he or she matures into adulthood.

The dual-household, different rules situation can certainly add a layer of confusion to boundaries and expectations for your teen. The best case scenario would be for the adults to work together to keep rules similar at both households, but if this can’t work, don’t change your expectations without careful consideration. Work to be extra clear with your daughter about the reasoning behind your rules and empathize with the challenge she may have in adapting from one home to another.

You’re exactly right in your instinct to set (and enforce clear boundaries. We can’t stress this enough. It is also a good idea to talk to your teen about WHY you are setting these boundaries and expectations for her.

If expectations haven’t been consistent up until now, it’s going to be an “uphill battle”, but it CAN be done.

Here are some links to boundary setting tips that you might find useful:

http://www.parentfurther.com/blog/setting-boundaries

http://www.parentfurther.com/discipline-values/discipline/teens-and-boun…

Additionally, you may find these articles helpful:

Dealing with Teen Angst:

http://www.parentfurther.com/resources/enewsletter/surviving-teen-angst

Talking about sex:

http://www.parentfurther.com/blog/talking-to-tweens-about-sex

And for a bit of encouragement:

http://www.parentfurther.com/blog/parenting-worth-the-wait

http://www.parentfurther.com/why/9-parenting-strategies

We wish you the best as you continue to parent your teen through these tough years, Anonymous. We’re rooting for you!

-The ParentFurther Team

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 2012-04-23 16:21.

and you ask why we keep our girls at home and make them cover their self.

for muslims its forbidden to have sex with anyone but your spouse and the same thing for christian as well but the different between the two of us that we tell our boys if the reach majority age not to talk to girls unless it is necessary.

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