Bullying and Cyberbullying: What You Need to Know

The New Face of Bullying

We all know that in a “dog eat dog” world, the biggest dog with the loudest bark usually ends up on top. We see this more clearly than ever in the school environment, through what is known as “bullying”. The media, an increase teen suicides, an increase in cyberbullying, and countless PSA’s and anti-bullying campaigns make us painfully aware of this reality. But what really is bullying? Are we as a society guilty of often labeling conflict between peers as “bullying”, and what separates bullying from conflict?

What is Cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying, the latest trend in bullying, adds a complex, digital layer to the existing problem. What you need to know about cyberbullying >>

Breaking the Cycle

Once we can properly identify bullying, we need to begin to take actions to prevent it. When bullying happens, it is common for two sides begin to play the “blame and shame” game; teachers and school administration will blame parents for not bringing up better children, and parents will blame the education system for not stopping bullying in schools.

All of us need to realize that placing blame on a situation should not take priority. Instead, we need to work together to take proactive approaches to raising resilient kids, so they may become healthy, caring, well-adjusted adults who will be less prone to engaging in violent or risky behaviors like bullying.

Helping Kids Rise above Bullying

While devising programs and plans to reduce the incidence of bullying is important, these actions can only do so much. All adults need to realize that they play an important role in preventing bullying. The action steps that adults can take start at home, and spread to schools and entire communities. These action steps are called building resilience, and it’s the long-term solution to addressing bullying and other risky childhood behaviors.

Although some kids may have some biological inclination toward resilience, there is research that overwhelmingly points toward the ability for resilience factors to be learned. When we teach resilience, we are able to change the life trajectories of kids from risk to resilience, but it has to be taught to them by the adults in their families, their schools, and their communities.

The Action Steps below will take you to action steps that all adults can take in each of these environments in order to foster positive characteristics that build resilience and promote healthy development and successful learning.

Action Steps

>For Parents
>For Schools
>For Communities

 

Comments

5

I’m so glad Search Institute is addressing this crucial issue. I trust Search with so many of my questions and concerns, and bullying has been a big one lately. I know I can count on positive advice that doesn’t shame anyone, including the bully. Thanks, Search Institute!

5

Outstanding information on bullying! The statistics from school personel are amazing!!! Our grandson is entering first grade. He has practiced bullying on a family member. This imformation is being sent the his parents, who have asked me, “What is bullying?”.

3

glad bullying is recongnized but you don’t provide enough help. The reader has to find there own info. Also, for now bulling mostly happens when an adult is around. Some violence is trinkling in with adults around. Teachers and admininstration are supposed to be adults and yet most sit in lounges and do nothing. The playgrounds are have bullying all the time, nothing is done, except maybe a little “get moving advice”. Cafeterias always have rude actions. For some reason lunch time is a get together for kids thinking there rotten behavior is funny. Which is one of the reason for bullying, the bully is self absorbed and loves the attention. So they bully to feed there own weakness for power. Some power though, they grow up and have a reaping of unhappiness because they have persude life with crap and now crap follows them. Adults who boo hoo about having bad marriages, lost their job, or alcohol is their companion because they still don’t know enough to stop thinking crap, stop being a follower of crap and stop hanging around things and places that just lead to more unhappiness. My old (we left) pastor’s son (believe it or not) was terrible with bullying my daughter. His father was arrogant. The boy learned it all from seeing unhappiness at home. He became an unbearible kid who eventually turned on his father. Bullying also pays a price to the bullier. I have very little tollerance for bullys. Kids walk past my house everyday because school is close by. F this and F that. One day this very aggressive girl was hammering another. I went out and broke it up. The bully went down the street and waited. Started punching all over again. Iwent down and told her I’ve had it with your rotten behavior. I would report her. She said you don’t know my name. I turned to growd and the were more than happy to tell me. I went to school principal and he thought I was a bother to the end of his day. Girl told me later they had to move because bullying was so bad. What do I think, I think bullying is a result of demon attivity. If you believe in angels. You must understand, demons were once angels and now are corrupt. I would pray and pray “in Jesus name with good ministry and tell those spirit to leave, to stop, call them silenced in Jesus name. Hatred comes from darkness, but darkness can not comprhend Light.

5

Thank God for a site that addresses this issue, my child was bullied throughout junior high, the bullying extended to a new city by some of the same children, crazy huh? The children would admit there deeds to school staff, but the issue of bullying was never addresseed, nor were any parents called. My child has been kicked out of school for fighting many times, fights she never started, but because of mixed martial arts lessons she would finish them. But the bullies would not cease, her friend committed suicide because of the bullying, mentally she could not handle the daily bullying. Kudos to you all, keep up the great work, now with cyber bullies, this site is needed even more. Stay safe and take care. . S. Brown, Michigan

5

Communication is paramount and at times difficult but the biggest problem in today’s world is everything that you don’t see as a parent. Many parents feel that their children are safe when they are home sitting at their computer. The reality is that once they log on the computer they are entering a world that is not only un-policed bu…t also a secretive environment, a vacuum in which they reside, alone, without the protection or supervision that they need (& desire). There are tools to help you protect your kids while they are in the virtual world and we’ve created the lowest cost tool for parents. The Rat monitors your child’s computer and sends you email reports of what is being said and what sites they are visiting please go to http://www.theratstore.com/ for more info.

4

I rate your article with four stars because any discussion is good. But this issue is totally out of control. I have a 17 year old daughter who has bullied all through high school. We have reported to schools which brought very little action. People feel very bad but do nothing. The bullying has gotten worse she was forced into the ocean by a group of girls who if not stopped by an adult may have drowned her. The next phyical thing was she was hung over a balcony at a party by some girls who did not like the fact that some boy liked her even though she had nothing to do with him. We reported this to the police they did nothing absolutely nothing. The most rescent was a girls came up to her at a concert and burned her with a cigarette which was also reported to the state police because they controlled the venue. They did nothing at all. My poor daughter will probably never go to authorities the rest of her life. They do nothing for her. There is a town near us that in 3 years have had 14 kids commit suicide. My daughter’s school have 2 kids that have committed suicide. The problem is getting more and more pervassive it is an epidemic and no one supports the kids. I agree with the woman who says it comes from the parents many of the parents “TYPE A” personality so they learn to bully at home. We need laws, and we need enforcement. This is much like spousal abusive was some years ago. Authorities did not want to get involved and little was done. It is similar in the fact that only the abusor and the victim really know what happened and in this case it is worse because the bully often bullies other kids to agree with her side of the story. WE NEED LAWS WHICH HELP THESE KIDS !!!!!!!!!!!!

2

16% of adults and teachers, they do not care the little students and let the bullys get away what they did wrong

3

This is good information, unfortunately, each experience is different. what needs to be addressed is how do you deal with the bully and resolve issues rather than just talking about what they are. There needs to be more resolving and how to teach our kids how to deal with these issues also. I don’t always feel that some areas are covered as well. I think the other problem is our society with the school system are too scared to deal with parents anymore. What ever happened to consequences for behavior. No one takes ownership and kids don’t learn to own up to what they do wrong.

5

I think this a great way of explaining bullying to other adults. I was a target all my life begin picked on by who ever wanted to. Basiclly i was being called names and having things said to me that were very mean. My child is gong threw this situation and im just trying to straighten things out. This is a big problem all over. And needs to be addressed IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!! I just wan t my chiild and all other bully victims to have confidence and hold there heads up again. I didnt really have a child hood nor was i really a teenager. Caue of being bullied.

5

I run a page on Facebook called in honor of tyler clementi. I heard about this and said to myself, why would people bully something that many people around the world do. I’m zach and i am 10 years old, and i would like to make a change. Now.

3

impressive.it has been my sad experience to witness the child bully often a product of a parent who was bullied…it has not been addressed that the parent is the actual bully…they set their children up to dislike the children of the parent they percieve as threatening. That is how it happens in “so called educated and affluent” communities…..the parent condones isolation and condecension on 5 year olds for Gods sake!!! they use their children as chess peices….before you know it that 5 year old is 8 and ostracized…all set up and planned by the “bully” mother…....I sadly watched my lovely daughter ruined by two mothers who never grew up

3

The article sums up what bullying is but what seems to be the underlying problem…if reported, the bullying increases. Its simply done more covertly and the principal, social worker and teachers agree that its a very difficult problem because of this. They suggested my daughter switch schools…thats how little they think of their ability to help is. I see this as the bullies winning. I suggested having assemblies giving what these girls do a name. We will see where that goes. In the meantime, I take my daughter to 2 therapy sessions a week and I go once a week so she can get coping skills and I can learn to support her the best I know how.

2

I appreciate the information placed on this page. However, sometimes kids are bullied in neighborhoods and not always in schools. My daughter is experiencing this now. I have had to contact the police regarding the situation and I am always worried. Parents in neighborhoods who have children who do the bullying do not care that their child is doing this and actually lash out when you try to confront them. I have tried to speak with parents to get help in stopping the bullying only to be bullied by the bulliers parents! I can’t believe such acts of evil happen in this day and age. My daughter is a pretty girl who is quiet and in 7th grade. She was strong regarding the situation for a while but I see that it is taking its toll on her emotionally now! When does this stop? It is a group of nasty kids who just go from one week to the next all taking turns in making her life a living hell! I have contacted police, principals, tried to speak with their awful parents, etc. There needs to be a law passed to deter this type of harassment and it needs to include children so that the parents are responsible for their childrens actions and words!

4

Your insight on bullying is very true. I would like to add that usually the people who bully are upset about what’s going on in their lives. It really hurts to be bullied by people who don’t even know you or what you’re going through. You can hear them snickering whille they form their little cliques and then they have the nerve to smile in your face. Bullies are really stupid because they never think that you know what they’re talking about. This goes on in my neighborhood. For some odd reason, all the neighbors have decided to pick on us. I don’t understand it at all. They make cruel statements, giggle just when we come outside, and look at us like we’re from a different planet. It’s because we don’t do the “norm” like go out on weekends just to brag about it and we’re not really loud. I don’t want the whole court to hear about what I did yesterday etc. I guess some people never grow up in that area.

5

This is inspiring, truely.

5

thanks for sharing your information with everyone

3

I would like to have seen a direct answer to the parents question: Should I teach my child self-defense against bullies?” The website kind of side steps the question and points only to nonviolence. What does a kid do when all nonviolent options have been exhausted or when the kids back is to the wall with fists flying at them? The website seems to idealize that all situations can be resolved without having to physically defend oneself. This may be an attempt at political correctness but what about reality? Those lacking confidence attract bullies, self defense lessons seem to boost confidence. So why is self defense not a viable solution to bullying. Let’s face it if my child tried to walk away, told an adult, used respectful words, followed by a firm verbal stand and the bully became physical after all that, the bully need a good old fashioned beat down and I proudly support my child in delivering that beat down as long as all nonviolent options are exhausted and no taunting of the bully is involved. Am I evil??

5

I am a grandparent raising a grand son that has been bullied since he was in second grade, now in the 9th grade and it hasnt stopped yet! it was so bad in the 5th grade that he stood in the princpals 2nd floor window and was going to jump out, had to be talked down by police, I have fought princpals, school board, and teachers. now this year the same three boys are still going at it and bullying him. he had , had enough, and when he had gotten burnt on the back of neck playing around with a new friend I didnt know, he came home told me about it, and said it was one of the bullies,he wanted to press charges,so we called the police to make a report, needless to say,he now has charges of false police report and 2 years probation. but once again anytime a report was made against any of these boys my grandson was the one suspended all through school “so he could calm down” when does the bullying stop?

5

great support. Thanks!

2

Hi Everyone,

ParentFurther admin here. We wanted to address some of the alarming feedback that we’ve been receiving about children being bullied. We realize that many parents either do not know where to go for help, or aren’t getting the support they need from teachers and school administrators.

While ParentFurther cares deeply about bullying, we are limited in our ability to intervene in specific cases; bullying and other discipline policies and laws are set at the state and local levels.

We can, however, offer resources for parents, including tips for recognizing the signs of bullying and cyberbullying.

http://www.stopbullying.gov is the official, government site for bullying prevention. You can find many resources for help here: http://www.stopbullying.gov/topics/get_help/ .

  • If Someone is at immediate risk of harm because of bullying, call the police at 911!
  • If your child is feeling suicidal because of bullying Contact the suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
  • If your child’s teacher is not keeping your child safe from being bullied, contact local school administrator (principal or superintendent)
  • If your school is not keeping your child safe from being bullied, contact the State School Department
  • If your child is sick, stressed, not sleeping, or is having other problems because of bullying, contact your counselor or other health professional
  • If your child is bullied because of their race, ethnicity, or disability and local help is not working to solve the problem, contact the U.S. Department of Education’s Office on Civil Rights

Remember, If your child is prepared to deal with negative situations, he or she will be better able to handle bullying, and may even have a positive influence on the bully. And if you know when to step in, you can help prevent further violence from occurring, no matter whose child is involved.

3

First. There is no “clear cut solution” to bullying, because it is a part of human nature that manifests itself in a variety of ways.
In my new book, “U~Who Are U?” I address the foundation of “bullying.” What we learn in home or our “nurture” largely defines our behavior. “Bullying” is a learned behavior and a reaction to not being accepted into a specific group or “clique.” People do stupid things in order to “fit in” because we are “pack animals” in our nature. We need to fit in…somewhere. No surprise that boys are traditionally more physical in their abuse and girls are more verbal. However, that has been changing as well. Physical violence or lashing out happens for a variety of reasons for both boys and girls now.

Unfortunately, we have moved so far away from “Darwinism” and everything is slanted toward protecting the smaller, weaker and vulnerable in society. We have become a very verbal society and cyber bullying has taken the place of “teasing.”

If you ask a roomful of adults who has suffered from some form of “bullying” almost the entire room will raise their hands. Because we are “pack animals” at some point in time, we have all felt isolated or “picked on” or “bullied” by others in a group or “clique” that we are either trying to be a part of or mean children don’t want us to be a part of…it also occurs with adults.

Listen to the negative and nasty comments of some parents. Kids learn these nasty comments and comebacks and put downs from us. All you need to watch is the “Housewives” of whatever city or “Jersey Shore” or any of these shows where verbal jabs and nasty comments are used excessively.

Cyberbullying on Facebook or other social sites is rampant, because there is no direct retaliation from the victims, like a slap in the face or a punch in the mouth. We, that includes parents, teachers, principals and administrators all, have told our children from a young age to “use your words.”

Well, if we haven’t learned anything as adults, we typically recover pretty quickly from physical injuries, but the verbal abuse that is planted in the minds and hearts of our children can last a lifetime. We scar our children with verbal abuse all the time and these little “bullies” are doing exactly what we have taught them…“use your words” and they are using words to take away the esteem of other children. Very dangerous indeed.

In “U ~ Who Are U?” I revisit “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs,” which is a foundational development study on human behavior. My 21st Century Multidimensional Hierarchy of Needs brings Maslow’s Hierarchy into the 21st century by making it “multidimensional” and measurable on multiple levels. Every parent and teacher should get a copy of “U ~ Who Are U?” www.MotivateAmerica.us

4

Very good article on the tragic state of so many children in our schools today. I would hope that parents and students look into the Orme School of Arizona. We are a private, non-profit boarding school for grades 8-12. Due to our close community, small class sizes, diverse student body (36% international), with faculty and administrators living on campus, bullying has not been a problem for our students. With programs and activites like Horsemanship, Fine Arts, competitive sports and Mathletes, we keep our students very busy! Who needs the drama or has time to pick on a fellow student/roommate/community family member?

Please visit our website at www.ormeschool.org if you are interested in a boarding school option.We welcome your comments and have need-based financial aid and merit-based scholarships available.

Thank you,

Orme School of Arizona
Admission Office
928-632-7601
www.ormeschool.org

4

Bullying will never be completely taken out of our surroundings, but we can work to reduce it and stop it from getting to those high points it can get too. I agree that this in a issue in a society that we have to take and begin to beat down straight from its core, then being able to take solutions into the school systems, states, country, and finally worldwide. As children are taught from a young age to defend themselves, not only by fighting back, but by not being afraid to speak up to an adult. This is an issue that will only be tackled if we work on it as a society, it takes many steps to beat down a bully and with more people willing to help and control the dangerous situation the easier it will be to give everyone a safer place to go to school, walk in their communities, and work in.

5

This is my story. It is sad, but I found closure in the end. For those that have been bullied at a young age, who are adults and are carrying the pain of having been bullied, or for the bullies who don’t understand the depth of the negative impact you impose on the innocent….this is for you.

http://youtu.be/s860NobxPro

4

I do not speak english, I try to understand all the information, but I want to Know if you have information in spanish Thanks

4

I do not speak english, I try to understand all the information, but I want to Know if you have information in spanish Thanks

2

Hello, If you are seeking bullying resources in Spanish, we recommend visiting www.olewus.org, home of the Olewus Bullying Prevention Program.

There you will find some useful handouts including: Consejos para los Padres: Qué Hacer si su Hijo o Hija es Objeto
de la Intimidación y del Abuso por Parte de Otros Estudiantes

and

Consejos para los Padres: Qué Hacer si su Hijo o Hija
Intimida y Abusa de los Demás

4

I have been bullyed in the lunchroom before. The bullie would sit directly across from me and make rude faces and coments about me. That year was the worst but now this year it has been great!

5
Thank you parentfurther.com on your wonderful site with excellent info on preventing Bullying. Its important that parents and kids know the warning signs of bullying. And Learn what Steps and Actions to take against Physical bullying and Cyberbullying. My kids went through Hell because of Bullies both on campus at school and off campus afterschool. If we all do our Part Bullying will stop. It has to start at Home. Please see my site read Poem for teens on Bullying The Thing About Bullys ***** Everyone Matters, No one should be afraid to go to school.*********
4

The reality is that children want the protection of their parents even while they are in the virtual world. It is simply unchartered territory for them to have to ASK their parents to protect them and the reason that they would have to ask is because parents are not informed about the tools available to them or even realize that they need to consider what is available to them. It is about education. The article is great. Thanks.
I would expound on it regarding the concept of spying on the kids and the ramifications of that. Studies have proven that kids desire protection regardless of any stigma attached to it, they simply feel obliged to act out against anything that may compromise the integrity of their reputation or otherwise make them a bigger target. The best thing for both parents and children alike is to have a resource that puts it out their front and center that their parents a watching. The kids may complain or state that they take issue with it but in most cases they will sleep better knowing their parents have their back. The best product I’ve seen for this is a computer monitoring software called The Rat. It is branded well, playful in its approach (Be a Rat is their tagline) and it give kids the ability to tell their friends that their parents got The Rat. The concept works, the software works and quite frankly lives will be saved as a result of this product and the unique approach they have taken to marketing it. http://www.theratstore.com

4

This helped me for my report on Jesus and bullying.

3

needed more information!

2

Whats with this whole speak out against bullying campaign? Being bullied as a kid is what made me able to handle life’s problems. I was a small, red haired, white eyebrowed, left handed, smart child. Needless to say, I got my fair share. Talking to principals isn’t a viable solution as it only makes the problem worse. They will call the bully or his/her parents then most likely put the bully in detention or give some other reprimands. In turn the bully will now tell all their friends that the victim was crying to adults about being bullied, spreading the problem to other students. What we really need to do is instill some self esteem in our children. We shelter our children way too much in today’s world. If your child is being bullied how about trying some karate lessons? Have your child learn some self defense, learn when it is and isn’t okay to stand up for your self physically, how to avoid confrontation and give them some confidence in the process. Every time (save for the first few times) that I have been bullied I have stood up for myself. Sure its hard, but it made me a better person. How do you expect your child to have any self worth or take any initiative in this world if they cannot even stand up for themselves? Telling an adult Isn’t standing up for yourself, its essentially asking for a proverbial “superman” to come and fix all your problems. What happens when no help comes for your child? What do they do then? I’ve heard answers from run to assume the fetal position. Has anyone even considered what things such as this do for a child’s self esteem? (Not to mention how this will translate later in life in the “real world”) Bullying puts somebody down only for them to learn how to stand on their own two feet and the steps were taking is nothing but a safety net. You never learn to ride a bike if you don’t take the training wheels off, and you never learn to stand up for yourself if everybody else constantly does it for you.

I am writing this letter with a heavy heart, bearing the concern
and fears of a grandmother.

I never knew a bully could start from age five. And every year she still acting out as a bully. This little girl has become a threat to my granddaughter . To think that a rope was around her neck, where she could have been killed or left crippled had there been a tug with just the right force still causes me to cringe.
The little girl now is seven years old. I have seen little girl act out towards my grandchild since Kindergarten, with each incident getting worse, what’s next? What is needed in order to get help for a little girl screaming for help, and attention who is going to be her advocate? Is anyone going to do anything to help this child, or will the pain and anger inside her lead her to act out with even more violence?
The school! You have shown her there will be essentially no real consequence for her actions,(loosing recess, sending her to another class for a short time in the past has not worked.) Nothing has been done to help resolve whatever is causing her to harm others.

Nothings being done to correct her; teaching her a healthy way to redirect her anger. Nothing you have done in the past has helped, and yet you will once again repeat the punishment and hope for the best.

I find your actions to be unacceptable, she will do it again and my hope is the next child will be able to protect themselves from her anger. I cannot believe you are aware of this situation and that continue to place other students in danger. This little girl, is a loaded gun and unless someone can reach her, unless she gets help, someone is going to get hurt. My question to school ? Do you want the responsibility for that child’s life to be on your hands? No one can erase the fear and terror from my granddaughter felt with a rope around her neck, nobody can make her feel safe at school anymore, she asked you for help and school has failed!!!

I read some of the comments before I read anything on this page and I have to tell you that as a parent who has experienced her child getting beat up stems from no one (adults) wanting to get involved. Our high school does not have busing and so after school, parents are sitting in their cars waiting for their children to come out so they can take them home. One day after school, my daughter is getting beat up right outside of the high school doors and right in front of all those parents who are sitting in their cars waiting for their children….....NOT ONE PARENT GOT OUT OF THEIR CAR!!!!!!! Thank God, my daughter didn’t get hurt badly, but I have taught my kids that if they fight back they will be in as much trouble as the person who hit first. So, my daughter didn’t fight back. The problem is the adults. STEP IN FOR CHRIST SAKE! The girl who assaulted her was suspended for five days…...FIVE DAYS????? This girl came back to school and threatened another student two days after she returned. She is still in the school system. Why is it that they can remain in the school system? The mother of this girl says she has taught her daughter to stand up for herself….....she is saying to her child that she is okay with her violence. The problem people is not these kids…..IT’S THE ADULTS! Did your parents teach you to mind your own business when it came to something like this? Did they teach you to look the other way? Mine did not. I ask that all parents step up, if the authorities don’t listen….don’t stop until they do. Don’t give up just because another adult didn’t want to hear what you have to say. The bullies and the children getting bullied need your help. The bullies need help before they end up in jail for hurting someone and the child getting bullied needs your help to step in.

What has happened to the quality of parenting. It is the parent’s job to TEACH their child how to function in society, how to get along, to have respect for other people. I taught 2nd grade for 23 yrs. and I saw little of that. Bullying is a major failure of parents to do their job. Many parents think their job
ends after the child is born. Teaching your child the above mentioned qualities and the ability to show empathy has to be taught as soon as the child becomes aware of other people, about 2 yrs. of age. This is CLEARLY the JOB of the parents. If the child hasn’t been taught ‘THE GOLDEN RULE’
(do unto others as you would have them do to you) by age 5, then the parents have failed in the first very important step of raising a kind, caring human being.

It is the bully that needs the help. not the victim. A bully should be immediately removed from the student body, bus or classroom, and given councelling. This hatefilled behavior is the result of the way that child has been treated and it won’t change until he or she gets help. There should be a punishment which will be deterent but until the bully gets rid of the burning hateand need to dominate inside of them they can’t change. If the need to have power over another person can be turned to using their power to help the weaker person and to understand their need to dominate. Please help the the bully firsy.

5

These stories are so sad. Teachers, administrators, and all of us need to do a better job combating this problem. For a related articles that may be of interest, “Educator’s Guide to Bullying,” “Cliques and Put-Downs in Elementary School,” “Aggressive Girls,” and “Assertiveness Training for Children,” see: http://www.kellybear.com/TeacherTips.html

when my daughter was in a little town school.. she was bulllied from day one. In high school it got really bad. A quiet girl who caused no trouble in school. She was getting failing grades refused to go to school.. Her tummy hurt etc! She finally told her big sister while at school IN THE LUNCHROOM! boys called her bad names downtalked her brothers right in front of teachers.. worst time in her life No one did anything! Finally told supt. he did try to stop it.. we were soo happy she finally got to graduate and get out of that small town school..

i know teachers can bully too. I am 71 one yrs. old and in first grade my teacher called me Dummy, i wasnt just liked to talk and read far behind where the others were reading. I had my mouth taped and a sign around my neck saying I AM A TALKER.. i went to recess like this and stood against the building..I was too afraind

5

Anyone taking a stand against bullying deserves a 5 star rating in my mind. I was frequently bullied as a teen and channeled some of those feelings into a children’s book about time travel. The novel was well received until it came to the attention of a group of online bullies who worked in unison to post false reviews and voted down good reviews and comments. It defies logic the amount of effort and time these individuals put into trying to make me and other people miserable. In an effort to stop the bullying, I wrote to the company whose site the bullies were using and also wrote in public forums, asking everyone to rally together to stop the cyber attacks. A few authors, who had also been bullied by the same group, contacted me by email to express their support. However, no one was willing to speak out publicly against the stalkers because they were too frightened of becoming the victim. That didn’t surprise me, but I was shocked the major company selling books did nothing to stop the bullies either. As someone who has not only witnessed bullying, but also experienced its torture first-hand, I feel the ONLY way to curtail cyberharassment is with a united, immediate rejection of the behavior by EVERYONE who observes it.

5

Fear is the driving force behind bullying. By understanding the negative aspects of fear (i.e., shame, guilt, cruelty, grief, negative imagination, pain, anger, false pride, doubt, etc.) you will understand how to build resiliency to the fear the bully is trying to instill in you. Knowledge is power! People are controlled by what the do not understand.

By learning how to overcome your fear you will learn how to make good decisions of empowerment that will resolve your problems.

5

Fear is the driving force behind bullying. By understanding the negative aspects of fear (i.e., shame, guilt, cruelty, grief, negative imagination, pain, anger, false pride, doubt, etc.) you will understand how to build resiliency to the fear the bully is trying to instill in you. Knowledge is power! People are controlled by what the do not understand.

By learning how to overcome your fear you will learn how to make good decisions of empowerment that will resolve your problems.

A common jingle when I was young was “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” It was written by someone centuries ago. Perhaps it was the way that person dealt with being a victim of bullying. As we know bullying and verbal abuse heaped on those who are weaker or less fortunate than ourselves has been around almost as long as people. Since the eldest son of Adam who was the victim of sibling rivalry to the present there have been people pitted against people; some for obvious reason, some for no reason at all. Through all the ages the victims have had to fend almost entirely for themselves. But that does not have to continue.

If you are someone who has teased another, either as a child or casually as an adult, you may not have realized the trauma you might have afflicted on that person. None of us know the extent of the damage we inflict on another, because we probably do not know the length and depth of that victim’s exposure to verbal abuse. You may say some unkind or teasing remark about her hair that seems innocent enough. But that remark may be only one in a long line of negative comments about her looks. She may have already developed a low self image because her family, friends or previous co-workers had been saying such things for years. One unintentional negative remark might be the one that pushes her over the edge to the place of self-destruction.

To be unintentional about the things you say is one thing, but as we all know intentional affliction is all too common. The bully on the playground; the one who says negative things about other people to try to get ahead; the boss who intimidates his workers and the insensitive person who puts down or laughs at someone for being handicapped are all examples of intentional verbal abuse. The parent who repeatedly tells a child he is no good or will never amount to much is another case. The victims of long-term verbal abuse see themselves as worthless, helpless and hopeless. For far too many of them the answer is self destruction. Some are kept from suicide by a caring person who is aware or who catches them in the act. Some are successful.

The truth is there is hope for anyone who knows the right place to look for it. The problem is that many do not know where to look. It is the responsibility of hose who know to get the message to those who need it. We must somehow connect the information with the seeker. There are many ways to do that. The most widely accepted way is to form agencies, task forces or support groups and pray that the victims will take advantage of the help offered. Another way is to provide information to them through a wide variety of media, such as radio, TV, internet, magazines, and even books.

Dealing with verbal abuse is a heavy task to burden by oneself. Victims need help. They need encouragement. They need people like you to surround them with genuine love, acceptance and compassion. Each one of us is a creation of the Deity. He made us just the way we are. Therefore, we need to accept ourselves for what we are and we need to accept others as being equally valuable. To say that someone is less valuable than we are makes us feel good in comparison to others, but in reality it makes us less of a person.

If you find yourself saying bad things about other people, you need to read the book Through Troubled Waters. Do you find it difficult to identify with a handicapped person? Pam Turner’s story will show you what it is like to be a victim. There are many things that a victim suffers that most people are not aware of. They range from simply feeling lonely to outright rejection. The feelings they have often develop into harmful behaviors. Do you think that old geezer next door isn’t worth the time of day? Learn to think differently. Maybe he’s just a lonely man who has not had anyone to befriend him. The information contained in Through Troubled Waters will help you better understand what it is like to suffer such abuse, whether or not it is intentional. The discussion questions at the end of each chapter will help you grasp the seriousness of the issue.

There is no one who has never said an unkind word. Being kind is unnatural. We are all born with a nature that tells us to elevate ourselves even if it is at the expense of others. We all want to be the best; have the best and know the most. We have to learn that to succeed in life we must put those ideas under subjection to self-control and even better, the control of the Holy Spirit of God. Kindness, gentleness and acceptance of others create a better society than everyone doing what is right in his own eyes.

I’m sorry if what I had to say wounded your pride. It always hurts a little to be found guilty. But being found guilty sometimes is the point at which we find the strength of character to change our ways and become better men and women for it. How about it? Will you listen and learn? If you don’t, the hurt you may suffer later may be more serious than just your wounded pride. Take it from me: a little corrective discipline now is better than capital punishment later.

If you have a young child or even as old as a high school student, having had a bullied daughter we have written a children’s picture book on bullying. Title: “ In Your Face.”

Author: James Beene Illustrator: N. Egnatios Can be purchased from Amazon.com

Workplace bullying is rampant. I am a teacher at Portland public Schools in portland, oregon, and have been bullied by my principal . Principals are given a lot of power and use that power to bully their staff. They are masterminds at it and when they are reported as bullies, nothing happens. Many grievances are filed, but nothing happens to principals who bully the staff. Wonder where the kids learn it and why the principal does nothing when the kids report it….........because the principals are also bullies.

I have reported a recent cyberbullying text sent to my daughter to the local authorities. Unfortunately, the telephone number was a computer landline that texted and no owner of the line could be established. I have had my daughter block the telephone number, but keep the text message as proof for possible use later. I believe the cyber bully is a wannabe to the original bully. This all started at the original bully’s birthday party with a statue of Justin Bieber worth $50 and later said to be worth $80, escalated by the bully’s mom (who is an adult bully). My daughter threw a light rubber ball at the statue, and now is a target herself. The mother was even worse-it was my daughter and my fault for the world.

WHY WOULD THESE PEOPLE DO THIS TO OUR KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!=(

cyber bullying is bad FROM: DALTON

50 yrs. later ( i am 63 ) i am still a hostage to the bullying i received for 10 yrs. straight ( kindergarten thru 9th grade ). it is a major component of my ptsd. not only at school, but my parents were bullies amongst other things. i believe it contributed greatly to the bi-polar illness which erupted during my teen years. i have had unpleasant flashbacks about the way my life unfolded and unraveled.