Bullying and Violence: What You Need to Know
Whether your child is behaving as a bully or feels like a victim—or is simply a bystander while someone else is bullied—it is important to take the situation seriously. In recent years, bullying and cyberbullying have been linked to a spike in teen suicides, which has sparked a loud and clear public outcry to put a stop to bullying behavior, and forced parents, educators, and school administrators to take a step back, and address the problem.
Sometimes parents or others may see "getting picked on" by tougher kids and hassling weaker ones as just part of growing up, but is this true? Should adults ignore the pecking order of childhood? When are we helping, and when are we ruining our children’s chances of surviving the cold, hard reality of adulthood?
Did You Know?
- Half of public school principals (49%) report that bullying, name-calling, or harassment of students is a serious problem at their school.
- Three-quarters of junior high or middle school principals say that bullying or harassment is a serious problem at their school, compared to 43% of elementary school principals and 45% of senior high school principals.1
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1. GLSEN and Harris Interactive, The Principal’s Perspective: School Safety, Bullying, and Harassment, A Survey of Public School Principals (New York: GLSEN, 2008).
I’m so glad Search Institute is addressing this crucial issue. I trust Search with so many of my questions and concerns, and bullying has been a big one lately. I know I can count on positive advice that doesn’t shame anyone, including the bully. Thanks, Search Institute!
Outstanding information on bullying! The statistics from school personel are amazing!!! Our grandson is entering first grade. He has practiced bullying on a family member. This imformation is being sent the his parents, who have asked me, “What is bullying?”.
glad bullying is recongnized but you don’t provide enough help. The reader has to find there own info. Also, for now bulling mostly happens when an adult is around. Some violence is trinkling in with adults around. Teachers and admininstration are supposed to be adults and yet most sit in lounges and do nothing. The playgrounds are have bullying all the time, nothing is done, except maybe a little “get moving advice”. Cafeterias always have rude actions. For some reason lunch time is a get together for kids thinking there rotten behavior is funny. Which is one of the reason for bullying, the bully is self absorbed and loves the attention. So they bully to feed there own weakness for power. Some power though, they grow up and have a reaping of unhappiness because they have persude life with crap and now crap follows them. Adults who boo hoo about having bad marriages, lost their job, or alcohol is their companion because they still don’t know enough to stop thinking crap, stop being a follower of crap and stop hanging around things and places that just lead to more unhappiness. My old (we left) pastor’s son (believe it or not) was terrible with bullying my daughter. His father was arrogant. The boy learned it all from seeing unhappiness at home. He became an unbearible kid who eventually turned on his father. Bullying also pays a price to the bullier. I have very little tollerance for bullys. Kids walk past my house everyday because school is close by. F this and F that. One day this very aggressive girl was hammering another. I went out and broke it up. The bully went down the street and waited. Started punching all over again. Iwent down and told her I’ve had it with your rotten behavior. I would report her. She said you don’t know my name. I turned to growd and the were more than happy to tell me. I went to school principal and he thought I was a bother to the end of his day. Girl told me later they had to move because bullying was so bad. What do I think, I think bullying is a result of demon attivity. If you believe in angels. You must understand, demons were once angels and now are corrupt. I would pray and pray “in Jesus name with good ministry and tell those spirit to leave, to stop, call them silenced in Jesus name. Hatred comes from darkness, but darkness can not comprhend Light.
Thank God for a site that addresses this issue, my child was bullied throughout junior high, the bullying extended to a new city by some of the same children, crazy huh? The children would admit there deeds to school staff, but the issue of bullying was never addresseed, nor were any parents called. My child has been kicked out of school for fighting many times, fights she never started, but because of mixed martial arts lessons she would finish them. But the bullies would not cease, her friend committed suicide because of the bullying, mentally she could not handle the daily bullying. Kudos to you all, keep up the great work, now with cyber bullies, this site is needed even more. Stay safe and take care. . S. Brown, Michigan
Communication is paramount and at times difficult but the biggest problem in today’s world is everything that you don’t see as a parent. Many parents feel that their children are safe when they are home sitting at their computer. The reality is that once they log on the computer they are entering a world that is not only un-policed bu…t also a secretive environment, a vacuum in which they reside, alone, without the protection or supervision that they need (& desire). There are tools to help you protect your kids while they are in the virtual world and we’ve created the lowest cost tool for parents. The Rat monitors your child’s computer and sends you email reports of what is being said and what sites they are visiting please go to http://www.theratstore.com/ for more info.
I rate your article with four stars because any discussion is good. But this issue is totally out of control. I have a 17 year old daughter who has bullied all through high school. We have reported to schools which brought very little action. People feel very bad but do nothing. The bullying has gotten worse she was forced into the ocean by a group of girls who if not stopped by an adult may have drowned her. The next phyical thing was she was hung over a balcony at a party by some girls who did not like the fact that some boy liked her even though she had nothing to do with him. We reported this to the police they did nothing absolutely nothing. The most rescent was a girls came up to her at a concert and burned her with a cigarette which was also reported to the state police because they controlled the venue. They did nothing at all. My poor daughter will probably never go to authorities the rest of her life. They do nothing for her. There is a town near us that in 3 years have had 14 kids commit suicide. My daughter’s school have 2 kids that have committed suicide. The problem is getting more and more pervassive it is an epidemic and no one supports the kids. I agree with the woman who says it comes from the parents many of the parents “TYPE A” personality so they learn to bully at home. We need laws, and we need enforcement. This is much like spousal abusive was some years ago. Authorities did not want to get involved and little was done. It is similar in the fact that only the abusor and the victim really know what happened and in this case it is worse because the bully often bullies other kids to agree with her side of the story. WE NEED LAWS WHICH HELP THESE KIDS !!!!!!!!!!!!
16% of adults and teachers, they do not care the little students and let the bullys get away what they did wrong
This is good information, unfortunately, each experience is different. what needs to be addressed is how do you deal with the bully and resolve issues rather than just talking about what they are. There needs to be more resolving and how to teach our kids how to deal with these issues also. I don’t always feel that some areas are covered as well. I think the other problem is our society with the school system are too scared to deal with parents anymore. What ever happened to consequences for behavior. No one takes ownership and kids don’t learn to own up to what they do wrong.
I think this a great way of explaining bullying to other adults. I was a target all my life begin picked on by who ever wanted to. Basiclly i was being called names and having things said to me that were very mean. My child is gong threw this situation and im just trying to straighten things out. This is a big problem all over. And needs to be addressed IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!! I just wan t my chiild and all other bully victims to have confidence and hold there heads up again. I didnt really have a child hood nor was i really a teenager. Caue of being bullied.
I run a page on Facebook called in honor of tyler clementi. I heard about this and said to myself, why would people bully something that many people around the world do. I’m zach and i am 10 years old, and i would like to make a change. Now.
impressive.it has been my sad experience to witness the child bully often a product of a parent who was bullied…it has not been addressed that the parent is the actual bully…they set their children up to dislike the children of the parent they percieve as threatening. That is how it happens in “so called educated and affluent” communities…..the parent condones isolation and condecension on 5 year olds for Gods sake!!! they use their children as chess peices….before you know it that 5 year old is 8 and ostracized…all set up and planned by the “bully” mother…....I sadly watched my lovely daughter ruined by two mothers who never grew up
The article sums up what bullying is but what seems to be the underlying problem…if reported, the bullying increases. Its simply done more covertly and the principal, social worker and teachers agree that its a very difficult problem because of this. They suggested my daughter switch schools…thats how little they think of their ability to help is. I see this as the bullies winning. I suggested having assemblies giving what these girls do a name. We will see where that goes. In the meantime, I take my daughter to 2 therapy sessions a week and I go once a week so she can get coping skills and I can learn to support her the best I know how.
I appreciate the information placed on this page. However, sometimes kids are bullied in neighborhoods and not always in schools. My daughter is experiencing this now. I have had to contact the police regarding the situation and I am always worried. Parents in neighborhoods who have children who do the bullying do not care that their child is doing this and actually lash out when you try to confront them. I have tried to speak with parents to get help in stopping the bullying only to be bullied by the bulliers parents! I can’t believe such acts of evil happen in this day and age. My daughter is a pretty girl who is quiet and in 7th grade. She was strong regarding the situation for a while but I see that it is taking its toll on her emotionally now! When does this stop? It is a group of nasty kids who just go from one week to the next all taking turns in making her life a living hell! I have contacted police, principals, tried to speak with their awful parents, etc. There needs to be a law passed to deter this type of harassment and it needs to include children so that the parents are responsible for their childrens actions and words!
Your insight on bullying is very true. I would like to add that usually the people who bully are upset about what’s going on in their lives. It really hurts to be bullied by people who don’t even know you or what you’re going through. You can hear them snickering whille they form their little cliques and then they have the nerve to smile in your face. Bullies are really stupid because they never think that you know what they’re talking about. This goes on in my neighborhood. For some odd reason, all the neighbors have decided to pick on us. I don’t understand it at all. They make cruel statements, giggle just when we come outside, and look at us like we’re from a different planet. It’s because we don’t do the “norm” like go out on weekends just to brag about it and we’re not really loud. I don’t want the whole court to hear about what I did yesterday etc. I guess some people never grow up in that area.
This is inspiring, truely.
thanks for sharing your information with everyone
I would like to have seen a direct answer to the parents question: Should I teach my child self-defense against bullies?” The website kind of side steps the question and points only to nonviolence. What does a kid do when all nonviolent options have been exhausted or when the kids back is to the wall with fists flying at them? The website seems to idealize that all situations can be resolved without having to physically defend oneself. This may be an attempt at political correctness but what about reality? Those lacking confidence attract bullies, self defense lessons seem to boost confidence. So why is self defense not a viable solution to bullying. Let’s face it if my child tried to walk away, told an adult, used respectful words, followed by a firm verbal stand and the bully became physical after all that, the bully need a good old fashioned beat down and I proudly support my child in delivering that beat down as long as all nonviolent options are exhausted and no taunting of the bully is involved. Am I evil??
I am a grandparent raising a grand son that has been bullied since he was in second grade, now in the 9th grade and it hasnt stopped yet! it was so bad in the 5th grade that he stood in the princpals 2nd floor window and was going to jump out, had to be talked down by police, I have fought princpals, school board, and teachers. now this year the same three boys are still going at it and bullying him. he had , had enough, and when he had gotten burnt on the back of neck playing around with a new friend I didnt know, he came home told me about it, and said it was one of the bullies,he wanted to press charges,so we called the police to make a report, needless to say,he now has charges of false police report and 2 years probation. but once again anytime a report was made against any of these boys my grandson was the one suspended all through school “so he could calm down” when does the bullying stop?
great support. Thanks!
Hi Everyone,
ParentFurther admin here. We wanted to address some of the alarming feedback that we’ve been receiving about children being bullied. We realize that many parents either do not know where to go for help, or aren’t getting the support they need from teachers and school administrators.
While ParentFurther cares deeply about bullying, we are limited in our ability to intervene in specific cases; bullying and other discipline policies and laws are set at the state and local levels.
We can, however, offer resources for parents, including tips for recognizing the signs of bullying and cyberbullying.
http://www.stopbullying.gov is the official, government site for bullying prevention. You can find many resources for help here: http://www.stopbullying.gov/topics/get_help/ .
Remember, If your child is prepared to deal with negative situations, he or she will be better able to handle bullying, and may even have a positive influence on the bully. And if you know when to step in, you can help prevent further violence from occurring, no matter whose child is involved.
First. There is no “clear cut solution” to bullying, because it is a part of human nature that manifests itself in a variety of ways.
In my new book, “U~Who Are U?” I address the foundation of “bullying.” What we learn in home or our “nurture” largely defines our behavior. “Bullying” is a learned behavior and a reaction to not being accepted into a specific group or “clique.” People do stupid things in order to “fit in” because we are “pack animals” in our nature. We need to fit in…somewhere. No surprise that boys are traditionally more physical in their abuse and girls are more verbal. However, that has been changing as well. Physical violence or lashing out happens for a variety of reasons for both boys and girls now.
Unfortunately, we have moved so far away from “Darwinism” and everything is slanted toward protecting the smaller, weaker and vulnerable in society. We have become a very verbal society and cyber bullying has taken the place of “teasing.”
If you ask a roomful of adults who has suffered from some form of “bullying” almost the entire room will raise their hands. Because we are “pack animals” at some point in time, we have all felt isolated or “picked on” or “bullied” by others in a group or “clique” that we are either trying to be a part of or mean children don’t want us to be a part of…it also occurs with adults.
Listen to the negative and nasty comments of some parents. Kids learn these nasty comments and comebacks and put downs from us. All you need to watch is the “Housewives” of whatever city or “Jersey Shore” or any of these shows where verbal jabs and nasty comments are used excessively.
Cyberbullying on Facebook or other social sites is rampant, because there is no direct retaliation from the victims, like a slap in the face or a punch in the mouth. We, that includes parents, teachers, principals and administrators all, have told our children from a young age to “use your words.”
Well, if we haven’t learned anything as adults, we typically recover pretty quickly from physical injuries, but the verbal abuse that is planted in the minds and hearts of our children can last a lifetime. We scar our children with verbal abuse all the time and these little “bullies” are doing exactly what we have taught them…“use your words” and they are using words to take away the esteem of other children. Very dangerous indeed.
In “U ~ Who Are U?” I revisit “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs,” which is a foundational development study on human behavior. My 21st Century Multidimensional Hierarchy of Needs brings Maslow’s Hierarchy into the 21st century by making it “multidimensional” and measurable on multiple levels. Every parent and teacher should get a copy of “U ~ Who Are U?” www.MotivateAmerica.us
Very good article on the tragic state of so many children in our schools today. I would hope that parents and students look into the Orme School of Arizona. We are a private, non-profit boarding school for grades 8-12. Due to our close community, small class sizes, diverse student body (36% international), with faculty and administrators living on campus, bullying has not been a problem for our students. With programs and activites like Horsemanship, Fine Arts, competitive sports and Mathletes, we keep our students very busy! Who needs the drama or has time to pick on a fellow student/roommate/community family member?
Please visit our website at www.ormeschool.org if you are interested in a boarding school option.We welcome your comments and have need-based financial aid and merit-based scholarships available.
Thank you,
Orme School of Arizona
Admission Office
928-632-7601
www.ormeschool.org
Bullying will never be completely taken out of our surroundings, but we can work to reduce it and stop it from getting to those high points it can get too. I agree that this in a issue in a society that we have to take and begin to beat down straight from its core, then being able to take solutions into the school systems, states, country, and finally worldwide. As children are taught from a young age to defend themselves, not only by fighting back, but by not being afraid to speak up to an adult. This is an issue that will only be tackled if we work on it as a society, it takes many steps to beat down a bully and with more people willing to help and control the dangerous situation the easier it will be to give everyone a safer place to go to school, walk in their communities, and work in.
This is my story. It is sad, but I found closure in the end. For those that have been bullied at a young age, who are adults and are carrying the pain of having been bullied, or for the bullies who don’t understand the depth of the negative impact you impose on the innocent….this is for you.
http://youtu.be/s860NobxPro
I do not speak english, I try to understand all the information, but I want to Know if you have information in spanish Thanks
I do not speak english, I try to understand all the information, but I want to Know if you have information in spanish Thanks
Hello, If you are seeking bullying resources in Spanish, we recommend visiting www.olewus.org, home of the Olewus Bullying Prevention Program.
There you will find some useful handouts including: Consejos para los Padres: Qué Hacer si su Hijo o Hija es Objeto
de la Intimidación y del Abuso por Parte de Otros Estudiantes
and
Consejos para los Padres: Qué Hacer si su Hijo o Hija
Intimida y Abusa de los Demás
I have been bullyed in the lunchroom before. The bullie would sit directly across from me and make rude faces and coments about me. That year was the worst but now this year it has been great!
The reality is that children want the protection of their parents even while they are in the virtual world. It is simply unchartered territory for them to have to ASK their parents to protect them and the reason that they would have to ask is because parents are not informed about the tools available to them or even realize that they need to consider what is available to them. It is about education. The article is great. Thanks.
I would expound on it regarding the concept of spying on the kids and the ramifications of that. Studies have proven that kids desire protection regardless of any stigma attached to it, they simply feel obliged to act out against anything that may compromise the integrity of their reputation or otherwise make them a bigger target. The best thing for both parents and children alike is to have a resource that puts it out their front and center that their parents a watching. The kids may complain or state that they take issue with it but in most cases they will sleep better knowing their parents have their back. The best product I’ve seen for this is a computer monitoring software called The Rat. It is branded well, playful in its approach (Be a Rat is their tagline) and it give kids the ability to tell their friends that their parents got The Rat. The concept works, the software works and quite frankly lives will be saved as a result of this product and the unique approach they have taken to marketing it. http://www.theratstore.com
This helped me for my report on Jesus and bullying.
needed more information!
Whats with this whole speak out against bullying campaign? Being bullied as a kid is what made me able to handle life’s problems. I was a small, red haired, white eyebrowed, left handed, smart child. Needless to say, I got my fair share. Talking to principals isn’t a viable solution as it only makes the problem worse. They will call the bully or his/her parents then most likely put the bully in detention or give some other reprimands. In turn the bully will now tell all their friends that the victim was crying to adults about being bullied, spreading the problem to other students. What we really need to do is instill some self esteem in our children. We shelter our children way too much in today’s world. If your child is being bullied how about trying some karate lessons? Have your child learn some self defense, learn when it is and isn’t okay to stand up for your self physically, how to avoid confrontation and give them some confidence in the process. Every time (save for the first few times) that I have been bullied I have stood up for myself. Sure its hard, but it made me a better person. How do you expect your child to have any self worth or take any initiative in this world if they cannot even stand up for themselves? Telling an adult Isn’t standing up for yourself, its essentially asking for a proverbial “superman” to come and fix all your problems. What happens when no help comes for your child? What do they do then? I’ve heard answers from run to assume the fetal position. Has anyone even considered what things such as this do for a child’s self esteem? (Not to mention how this will translate later in life in the “real world”) Bullying puts somebody down only for them to learn how to stand on their own two feet and the steps were taking is nothing but a safety net. You never learn to ride a bike if you don’t take the training wheels off, and you never learn to stand up for yourself if everybody else constantly does it for you.