Frequent Questions and Concerns about Peer Pressure

I’m afraid that my child may be pressuring her friends into making bad choices. What can I do?

The first thing to do is talk to your child about it. See if you can find out why she’s pressuring her peers into making bad choices. (Many times it’s because your child wants to fit in with a particular group that makes those choices.) Ask her to think about the effect she’s having on her friends and the people around her, and offer some suggestions on how to turn negative peer pressure into a positive influence.

Why is peer pressure such a big deal? Can’t kids just say no?

Some children are better able to say no than others, but most find it very difficult to make the right decisions when they’re being pressured into the wrong ones. Especially in the tween and teen years, kids feel a strong desire to fit in with their friends and other social groups. If any of these groups are pressuring them into doing something, it can be very difficult to say no, because it usually means giving up a friendship or social status. It’s important to help your child resist peer pressure, but be sympathetic—it can be really hard to stand up to it.

I want my child to make good decisions, but I also want him to have friends. How can I help him find a balance between sticking up for himself and keeping his friends?

If your child finds that he often has to stick up for himself in the face of negative peer pressure, it’s probably a sign that he isn’t hanging out with the right crowd. Having positive relationships with his friends means that they encourage developing strong values and making good decisions. If your child feels pressured much of the time, maybe it’s time for him to start making different choices when it comes to friends. As a parent, you are often better able than your child to judge when he is in a bad situation—so help him make good choices when it comes to the friends he spends time with.

Should my child avoid being friends with anyone who pressures her into making bad decisions?

Although it’s good for your child to avoid spending time with people who put her in negative situations, it’s also important to remember that she can have a positive influence on other children. If her friends are making negative decisions, she has the opportunity to help them start to make better choices and see improvements in their lives. By instilling a sense of self-confidence and positive personal identity in your child, you can help her resist peer pressure and have a positive effect on her peers.