Your Guide to a Peaceful Household

Let's face it. Conflicts are inevitable. Kids have different ideas, different solutions, and different ways to approach problems. Because of this, resolving conflicts peacefully is a key skill that kids need to succeed.1 (It’s also one of the 40 Developmental Assets.2) As kids grow up, it’s important that they learn how to resolve conflicts peacefully (without giving in) and how to get along well with others.

Did You Know?

  • The number one way young people resolve conflicts is by fighting.3 Most kids say that if someone hit or pushed them for no reason, they’d hit or push right back.5
  • Teenage guys are twice as likely as teenage girls to say they would try to hurt someone worse than that person had hurt them.5
  • Kids who bully others tend to have difficulties in their relationships with parents and friends.6
  • Younger teens (those in sixth grade) are almost four times as likely as twelfth graders to talk to a teacher or another adult if they’re having trouble resolving a conflict.7
  • High-school seniors are almost twice as likely as seventh graders to talk to the person they’re in conflict with and try to work out their differences.8
Conflict resolution skills are gained by experience and practice—so help your child start building these crucial abilities by engaging in peaceful conflict resolution at home. If your child is able to work through problems well at home, she will have an advantage when it comes to conflicts at school (and beyond).
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1. Peter Benson, All Kids Are Our Kids: What Communities Must Do to Raise Caring and Responsible Children and Adolescents (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2006), 55.

2. Ibid.

3. Search Institute, Developmental Assets: A Profile of Your Youth, Executive Summary, (Minneapolis: Search Institute, 2005), unpublished report, Appendix A-18.

4. Ibid.

5. Ibid.

6. ScienceDaily, “Children Who Bully Also Have Problems with Other Relationships,” ScienceDaily, March 26, 2008.

7. Search Institute, ibid.

8. Ibid.

 

Comments

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I need help for my 15 year old son he has stolen numerous times from us and lied,bad temper and used drugs we can’t afford any program and he needs help please
I tryed to ground him but he just takes off and i call 911 say he ran away and all they can do is bring him home I can’t control him I have tryed

I would suggest an inpatient treatment plan of some sort because once he’s 16 you’ve lost him. call his pediatrician and tell him or her the situation. they can suggest alot more than the police. he is seeking bad attention.

Is there a local church that offers a youth program? hanging out with with kids in a youth group could be beneficial, because he might be hanging out with bad crowds. It’s hard work raising teens isn’t it? There is no book that can help us. My religion has been very helpful in getting me through these tough times.Hope this helps.

Hi I work in an institute for helping unfortunate children in poor neighbourhood We have children facing lots of challenges like being abandoned by their parents or having an addict parent, most of them steel I need help in making them understand that this is wrong . I feel bad about not being capable to save them don’t know how to deal with this Any suggestions?

I am having a terrible time with my 7 year old especially over bed time.She used to be very good until recently although nothing in our lives has changed. She is good at school and all is well with us until bedtime comes around when she turns into a complete monster. Help please
.....

I think you need to ask your daughter whether she is having nightmares or is some one bullying her at school. Maybe see what she is eating at night is not making her hyper. or take her for a walk to the park and let her run realize her energy. Hope this helps.

our son (20 years) doesn’t respect our house rules, (curfew, chores, etc). we have two other teenage sons who are seeing his example and are now starting to follow his lead. do we kick him out (he has no way to support himself, but that is another issue) if not any other ideas on how to get the back in balance?

I am having a terrible time with my 7yr.old with school and on the bus he’s not willing to do his work in class, not wanting to listen to his teacher, he distracts other kids in the class and on the bus. He does fine at home but when it comes to school his whole attitude changes please help!!!

I have a 18 and a 16 year old 18 year old had a low intellect disabilities and other issue about relationships also have 20 year old 25 year moved home 25 year old have there own ways and own rules conflict younger teenage boys picking up on there ways what should I do?

I need help with a 12 year old who is very argumentative. He has behaviour difficulties, and when I try to use boundaries it often leads to conflict as he works my other children up who then question me which makes me feel cornered. The people supporting me are not much help when it comes to this. I often feel I have to stay silent and take the aggressive arguments when I see him.

He does not like being told no or having things explained to him. This often leads to arguments over who has rights between me and his carers. He doesn’t understand that parental responsibility is shared, and thinks his carers have all the rights. I have tried resolving this by explaining to him that some things need discussing with his care givers before I can give him permission to do certain things, but this leads to further conflict.

I am finding it very difficult and I feel overpowered because saying the right thing and being assertive then leads to conflict with him, his siblings and professionals and I find myself unheard. Can anybody help? I don’t want to make him feel unwanted or turn him against me further.

I am a high school counselor and I have to agree that high school seniors tend to be a lot more mature and reasonable in their conflict resolutions than younger students (freshmen and sophomores, for example)

My stepson comes to my house for a family visit, he brings his son with him & lets the boy run wild in my house, The child is very active a bit uncoordinated and has a tendency to brake things. I get rather upset over this, my stepson say he is just a kid & it is ok they are just material things , I am ready to strangle him. HELP what should I do

Your stepson needs to understand that it is your house and your rules. He needs to model positive, respectful behavior for his child to see. Does the child break things in his own house as well? Is it possible for you to have a calm discussion with your stepson, without the child present? Perhaps you can move the breakable items to another room, and make that room off-limits to him?

My son changes his mind about school and about church at the last minute and I haven’t been able to get him to say yes sbout going to school and church, once he changes his mind.

3

I went through a divorce 3 years ago. I’ve since remarried. I have a beautiful loving wife. I have two children from my previous marriage and she does as well. however, I have a daughter, the other three are boys, I’m not saying my children are angels but my wife has one son that is completely off the wall. he is never happy with anything we do for him. he says we never do things with them, (which we do a lot for and with them), he’s always sighing when asked to do something and he always complains and starts problems with all the other kids which makes everyone angry. we don’t know what do for him anymore. any advice would be greatly appreciated.

You have got among the best websites.

To the divorce 3 years ago. About the best thing I could suggest is start an individual fun night but with all of them.no one wants to feel left out. And schedule it out so each one knows when their day is. This should help you learn more about his tendencies and why he’s the way he is in the process.where does he fall in age wise ? this would help with solutions if he’s the oldest sounds like there’s some immaturity solutions you might try. Like when you ask him to do something and he won’t. Do it with him so he understands it’s not a big deal but as your helping him show him that the time he normally spends arguing or fussing about doing it,its now done in basically the same amount of time he fussed about it.so hopefully next time he’ll just get it done. In a nutshell your teaching how much of a waste of time it is complaining about it.. This may take several times but be patient and never give up.if he’s the youngest. Well that could just be a matter of feeling like there’s a lack of attention .which right or wrong it’s probably the way he feels. Strongly suggest the individual process no matter what ages they are…. I have 3 daughters, twins and the oldest was just a year and a half older. This worked amazingly for me and my relationship with all of them.and I would also suggest doing this in all rotations. One child with just one parent and so on

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