- Know your children’s friends—and their enemies. Even if you haven’t met them all in person, learn their names and what your children like (or don’t like) about them. Find out what kind of influence they have on your kids.
- Talk about values. What’s important to you? Do you want your child to succeed in school, be caring and helpful toward others, and not smoke, take drugs, drink alcohol, or have sex? Be clear about your values and why you have them. Kids can’t resist negative peer pressure if they don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong.
- A key part of growing up well is learning how to resist peer pressure and make up your own mind. The first place your child gets to practice this is at home, so when he wants to make a decision that’s different from yours, respect that choice (as long as it’s not harmful). If your child can gradually learn to stand up to you, he will learn to stand up to others.
- Start talking about the cost of saying no to friends when your child is in elementary school. It’s hard for kids to say no most of the time because it costs them something: a friendship, social status, or something else that means a lot to them. Talk about how you don’t really have values until they’re tested, you’re willing to stand up for them, and you’re willing to deal with the costs. Take these costs seriously so your child knows you understand that it can be a big a deal—it is not as easy as adults sometimes think to “just” say no to unsafe or unwise things.
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